You’re Different, and That’s Bad

Well even though they won’t be in on the whole “televising the playoffs” thing, ESPN would like you to know that they fully intend to cover the NHL post-season with all the analysis and fancy webbyness they put towards any major sports story.  Don’t believe me?  Check out this crazy graphic they conjured up overnight! 

It’s a four-way face-off!

Now while these are unconventional in hockey, both in the regular season AND the playoffs, you have to admire how ESPN’s thinking.  After all, it doesn’t matter what team you play for: there’s only one goal in the post-season, and that’s the Stanley Cup.  (Whose logo has been magically superimposed on the ice!)  So ESPN has taken the following four players for their photoshop:

Ryan Getzlaf, Center, Anaheim Ducks

Joe Thornton, Center, San Jose Sharks

Sidney Crosby, Center, Pittsburgh Penguins

Jaromir Jagr, Right Wing, New York Rangers

One of these things is not like the other….

Is ESPN trying to tell us something, or are they just retarded?

Winning a face-off requires strength, timing, and skill.  A good center can win about half of his draws.  They know the positioning of the feet, the placement of the stick, and the drop of the puck – thanks to repetition. 

Ryan Getzlaf took 26% of the Ducks’ face-offs this year, and the won 545 of them.

Joe Thornton took 35% of San Jose’s, yielding 785 wins.

Hockey Jesus descended from heaven for 37% of the Penguins face-offs, and he righteously won 567 times.

Jagr?  Yeah.  Jaromir Jagr took less than .1% of the Blueshirts’ face-offs.  He won once.  In three tries. 

Maybe that explains why his oddly attached leg in the photo is in the middle of the face-off logo.

You stay on top of things, ESPN, got it?



  1. The other problem is, somehow in 41 road games, they couldn’t get a picture of Joe Thornton in a white NEW Sharks jersey. The fuck?

  2. Jaromir Jagr only bends over for Marek Malik.

  3. Is that Joe even from this year? Nope just checked… the shoulders of their new jerseys are way different.

  4. Jags obviously knows he’s losing this draw, so he’s wisely giving Sid a two hander to the ankle.

  5. Yeah, no shit. I just noticed that he’s taking a shot, while the rest are, you know, taking a face off.

    Oh, WWL, will your wacky antics never cease?

  6. Jags is just preparing to dive onto the puck to rightfully claim it as his own

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