MYFO Random Thoughts Preview: Ducks/Stars

My fellow MYFO comrades will provide great subjective and/or objective analysis of the other six playoff series. That’s not my modus operandi. Instead, I’ll provide three things that I want to take place in each series.

1. Daryl Reaugh publishes his dictionary.

I have never lived in Dallas, let alone the southwestern United States, so I cannot vouch for all of Mr. Reaugh’s vocabulary. This man throws out obscure words and neologisms as if they are going out of style. A “tentacular” save? Sounds more like the porn at a Kotaku convention. It will be the greatest lexicon book since Ambrose Bierce’s publication.

One more thing, Daryl. Getting rid of icing is a good thing? If you enjoy 1-0 dump-and-chase contests, switch broadcasts with Chico Resch.

2. Giguère discards the straw from his Gatorade bottle.

What the hell is wrong with you, Jiggy? You can’t understand simple physics? Here, let me lay it out for you. Gravity brings objects toward the center of the Earth, the object with the highest mass in your general vicinity (besides Keith Tkachuk). After you’ve had your refreshment, spread the wealth over the rest of your face. What good is the stupid straw? You don’t need all of it to go in your mouth! Do you intend to rub your face over the goal crease? With all that Pronger and Niedermayer sweat? How many STD’s are you going to acquire doing that? Trust me, just get rid of the special ed plastic straw.

3. twoeightnine fights with Brett Hull.

Let’s be honest, people. We hope that every player tears in this series tears their ACL at the same moment. Chris Pronger? I’d punch him in the face if he weren’t 4 inches and 60 pounds heavier than me. He’s every bully that’s taunted me, blown in my ear, and sucked up to my parents. He’s Eddie Haskell as Sephiroth. Adding Scott Niedermayer and Teemu Selanne to this commentator lovefest almost forces me to root for the opposing team. However, that team is the Dallas Stars, who, in 1999, cheated (with Gary Bettman’s help) to win the Cup. I’ve despised Mike Modano since he played in Minnesota, and cannot root for any other Dallas player, so the best option is for a Sabre fan to beat the shit out of Brett Hull, the man who scored the illegal goal in 1999. I don’t like twoeightnine’s chances, but he needs to get out of western New York like I need to get out of the Chicago suburbs.


1 Comment

  1. F this series. I don’t hate Dallas for beting us in ’99; if the NHL had their shit together, at least whoever would have won wouldn’t have done so on an illegal goal. I don’t even hate Hull. twoeightnine: Where the F were you? On the East side?

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