MYFO’s Completely Cracked Playoff Preview: Montreal VERSUS Boston

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Canadiens fans should be scared shitless right now. Shit. Less. The Habs, on their way to gaining the top seed in the East, beat the Briuns 8 times this year. Eight. Without a loss. Going back a little farther, the Canadiens have owned the Bruins since the day after Cam Neely’s retirement party. The Bruins turn into a puck- chasing pack of 8-year-olds when they line up across from Alex Kovalev & Co.

So why be scared? What’s to worry about? The Habs could start Jaroslav Halak and call up the Hamilton Bulldogs and still win in 6 games, right? Right? Sorry. This is an absolutely classic “trap” series. Here’s a list of 7 things that Canadiens fans can worry about as they wait for the puck to drop tonight.

1) Alex Kovalev. Sure, he’s played great all year. No long stretches where he disappeared faster than David Copperfield’s heterosexuality. Oh, he’s due. Would anyone at all be shocked to see him come out of this series with 2 points and a minus-5 in six games?

2) Saku Koivu. It’s hard to get a true gauge on injuries at playoff time in the NHL, but the Canadiens’ captain’s foot appears to be serious. He’s not quite the scoring threat he used to be, but he plays with a ton of heart and leads the way for a team that is noticeably lacking in playoff muscle.

3) Carey Price. Is he really The One, the Heir to the Throne of St. Patrick and Ken Dryden? Or is he Jocelyn Thibeault (or worse, Jose Theodore) redux? You want to believe. But is he going to break your heart?

4) Mike Komisarek. Komisarek also missed the last several games of the regular season with the dreaded “lower body injury.” Komisarek is really the only punishing physical player the Canadiens possess; without him on the blueline, keeping Price safe falls to the likes of offensive-minded Mark Streit, young Josh Gorges, or (shudder) Patrice Brisebois and Mathieu Dandenault.

5) The Talent Cliff. After Kovalev, Tomas Plekanec and Chris Higgins, the Canadiens have to rely on Belarussian brothers Andrei and Sergei Kostitsyn for offense. In fact, two of the Canadiens’ top four scorers were D-men (Streit and Andrei Markov), a trend that tends to not carry through in playoff time. Unless you really want to count on Steve Begin and 900-year-old Bryan Smolinski to carry the scoring, the top two lines had better produce.

6) Tim Thomas. Thomas, who could politely be described as a “journeyman” entering this season, has played out of his mind. A 2.44 GAA and .927 SV% were both career bests. Playoffs, hot goaltender…need I say more?

7) Solid Defense. Despite their ineptitude against Montreal, Boston has been a stalwart team. Only Andrew Ference had a +/- rating in negative double digits (-14), despite the fact that the team allowed more goals (215) than it scored (206).

Ah, who the fuck am I kidding? This is going to be a slaughter. Canadiens sweep.

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5 Comments

  1. I believe.

  2. No Saku for you. At least for the first game.

  3. Tim Thomas is 3,000 years old. He will take his massive NHL Playoff Experience and–

    Oh. He hasn’t got any? Hmm. Well, I’ll be damned.

    Nevermind then

  4. I have been so scared all day I haven’t been able to comment. Habs sweep my ass. 1 through 7 are all very valid points!!!! Trap, trap!!

    I need medicaiton.

  5. My god… I was completely buying into this until that devastating last line. HEATHENS!

    but seriously, Bruins in 7. Carey Price is going to cave like a virgin on prom night.


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