“Here, Raskolnikov. Move these two-thousand malbecs. There’s an email offer tomorrow.”
Perfect. Transport a wine that broods more than me. That’ll leave me no energy to write some stupid, inane impression …
Where’s my D-chord?
Meester Rubin, my boy Paul mosst win zeese battle wit J.O.E. Daking. Back een Czechoslovakia, I had to beat down accordion player who decided to step incorrect. He missed landmine that I planted…
And sometimes Weed says, “Hey Raskol, you’re messing up the blog.”
And sometimes Hextall says, “Hey Raskol, you’re messing up the blog.” Then he beats the shit out of me.
And sometimes LeNoceur says, “Hey Raskol, you’re messing up the blog.”
And sometimes Reasonable says, “Hey Raskol, you’re messing up the blog.” He sues me, forcing me to sport a Steven Stamkos haircut for a year.
What if Peter Stastny were a douche like Patrick Roy? What kind of battles would take place? Would Paul veer towards The Fray or String Cheese Incident? Or maybe he’s into Chauncey Billups’ shit?
Some rich white guy who knew wines wanted Frontera cabernet-merlot. We had none, but we had a lot of other cheap cab-merlot blends. But he wanted cheap South American grapes that I pissed on in back of the store. Gave them the required acidity to get balance, so the wine doesn’t taste flabby.
Then I read The Pensblog on homosexual Ottawa Senator fans. Then I told Dr. James Mirtle that our names rhyme.
“Hey, I’m looking for a Finnish hockey game.”
“Well, I don’t have any European hockey, so what about the best league in the world? Here’s Philadelphia-Montreal. With real Canadians announcing!”
… You all try to keep me down
No Paul, it’s “Y’all”.
Stop spoiling my flow, Rick! Dad!!!!!
Mr. Rubin, you’re not talented enough for my boy. Bring in Danger …
“No, my wife wants Finnish hockey. Are you married?”
“You don’t get lists, do you? I need Finnish hockey.”
I hope they don’t demote me. Too bad this isn’t 1985, I’d be a revolutionary. And my Doc Martens would be futuristic.
“Montreal has Saku Koivu.”
“So what you’re saying is that I should go to another channel for Finnish hockey?”
For the video, you’re on a breakaway against Daking. You triple deke …
I can’t triple deke! You in that body, Disney? Is this reincarnation or possession? Dad!!!!
Mr. Bayer, your services are no longer needed. McG, what do you …
This isn’t Burgundian. This is Bordeaux. Cohere.
I’m too esoteric? I thought I lived in a suburban basement.