Escape from Hockeytown

In light of the comments made regarding my comrade Hextall454’s post yesterday, in which he recounted his experience obtaining a ticket to the Red Wings/Avalanche game last Saturday, I felt it was time to bust out another edition of MYFO’s Classic Movie Adaptations. This time, a take on the classic 1981 John Carpenter film, Escape from New York. So grab a tub of popcorn, slap on an eyepatch and enjoy Part One of Escape from Hockeytown.

VOICE

The once-great city of Detroit becomes the one maximum-security prison for the entire National Hockey League.

GRAPHIC: DETROIT lights up. The word “Prison” is added.

VOICE

A fifty-foot containment wall is erected along the Detroit shoreline, across the Detroit river, and down along the shoreline of Lake St. Clair. It completely surrounds Detroit. All bridges and waterways are mined.

GRAPHIC: Dots symbolizing the bridges and waterways blink on and off.

 VOICE

The National Hockey League Police Force, like an army, is encamped around the city.

GRAPHIC: Arrows symbolizing the police force are added.

VOICE

There are no guards inside Detroit: only prisoners and the worlds they have made.

NEW GRAPHIC: Outline drawing of Detroit.

VOICE

The rules are simple. Once you go in, you don’t come out.

FADE IN CARD: “2008

FADE IN SECOND CARD: “NOW”

 EXT. BASE – NIGHT

Red Wings Athletic Trainer Piet Van Sant walks into a building labeled “DETROIT SECURITY CONTROL” and picks up a phone.

 VAN SANT

Air traffic, this is Van Sant.

EXT. AIR TRAFFIC – NIGHT

The helicopter lands…in the background, a BUS FULL OF PLAYERS comes up.

EXT. BUS – NIGHT

DARREN “SNAKE” McCARTY gets off the bus, looks around, and is escorted by three guards into the base. He looks like the essence of cool. He’s got a one week beard thing going on. He’s wearing a Red Wings jersey, and a pair of red breezers. He’s wearing a pair of handcuffs that have, instead of the links,  a straight metal bar between them. He’s not resisting anything, but the police are not taking any chances.

INT. BASE – NIGHT

McCarty and the guards follow a winding stairway down to the main floor.

VOICE

Attention. You are now entering the debarkation area. No talking. No skating. The next scheduled departure to Detroit is in two hours. You now have the option to terminate your contract and be cremated on the premises. If you elect this option, notify the duty sergeant in your processing area.

INT. BASE – NIGHT

EXTREME CLOSEUP ON SIGN – “No talking. No skating. Follow the ORANGE line.”

EXTREME CLOSEUP ON SNAKEHe is not impressed.

STEADICAM VIEW OF THE HALL – SNAKE’S POV – Guards, guards, more guards. Who cares.

As Snake rounds the corner:

GUARD

Hold it.

Snake stops, turns, directs an impertinent glance at the speaker. He’s still not impressed by any of this.

FADE OUT

FADE IN:

EXT. BASE – NIGHT

Van Sant waits as a limo pulls up. Out steps MIKE BABCOCK.

VAN SANT

We’ve got a small jet in trouble, over restricted air space.

BABCOCK

Where is it?

 VAN SANT

Seven miles out and closing.

INT. BASE – NIGHT

Babcock and Van Sant walk down the stairs. They turn and walk into the TRAINING ROOM. Dozens of men sit in front of radar transmission screens, wearing headsets and working.

INT. TRAINING ROOM – NIGHT

 VAN SANT

We’ve been on the board for the last twenty minutes. We haven’t been able to reach them. There was a transmission ten minutes ago. He identified as “Gary 6.” Then all of a sudden he was cut off.

Babcock and Van Sant stand behind a CONTROLLER.

CONTROLLER

Gary 6, acknowledge. Gary 6, we are sending Air Rescue. Octopus 7700, contact on 121.5.

(to Hauk and Rehme) There’s still no reply.

(to his headset) I have a mayday in restricted space.

CONTROLLER

Detroit, I have it.

Babcock pulls Van Sant aside.

 BABCOCK

Who is it?

 VAN SANT

I don’t know.

 BABCOCK

You have the code?

 VAN SANT

There’s no Gary 6 on the computer.

 BABCOCK

Unlisted?

 VAN SANT

Unregistered code. We telexed NHL HQ. Still waiting for a reply.

 CONTROLLER

I think I’ve got him, sir.

Babcock and Van Sant walk back over to the controller. He patches a voice-over through.

REBEL VOICE

It’s too late, assholes. All your imperialist lies can’t save him now. We’re going down.  We’re going to crash.

 CONTROLLER

Gary 6, acknowledge!

 CODEMAN

The code’s coming in, sir.

Babcock and Van Sant dash over to the codeman. He shows them a display. “Aircraft Identified. Code: Gary 6. Decode: NHL HONCHO NUMBER ONE.”

 “NHL Honcho Number One” blinks as Babcock and Van Sant look at each other in shock.

 EXT. PLANE – NIGHT

The plane is flying over Detroit.

 INT. COCKPIT – NIGHT

The REBEL has killed the pilot and copilot and is working on his own.

 REBEL

Tell this to the owners when they ask where your leader went.

She pulls out a slip of PAPER and proceeds to read.

 REBEL

We, the soldiers of the national hockey front of Canuckistan, in the name of the players and all the oppressed of this imperialist league have struck a fatal blow!

INT. PLANE – NIGHT

A NHL SECURITY AGENT taps on the door with his rifle as the rebel continues.

REBEL

What better revolutionary example than to let the Commissioner perish in the inhuman dungeon of his own imperialist prison?

The agent runs back down the plane to the Commissioner and his advisers.

AGENT

(to 2ND AGENT) Unlock the pod!

2nd Agent immediately runs off.

PAN LEFT TO COMMISSIONER

AGENT

He’s bolted the door.

 COMMISSIONER BETTMAN

Can’t you shoot off the lock?

AGENT

No, sir, he’s pressurized the cabin.

 COMMISSIONER BETTMAN

How about lifting the door off of the hinges?

 AGENT

No, sir.

EXTREME CLOSEUP – the Commissioner’s wrist as he handcuffs his briefcase to it.

COMMISSIONER BETTMAN

Get me to the pod.

The Commissioner and all his advisors stand up and move to the back of the plane.

The pod opens. An expert attaches a locating device to the Commissioner’s wrist.

EXPERT

Sir, this is a locating device to trace you if you become separated from the pod. I’m activating it now.

SCREENS on the pod begin to light up as the Commissioner gets into the pod. He pushes a few buttons.

COMMISSIONER BETTMAN 

God save me and watch over you all.

EXT. BASE – NIGHT

A guard watches as NHL Honcho Number One descends into Detroit

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2 Comments

  1. I think this need a dramatic reenactment. Perhaps with sock puppets.

  2. Who will be playing the Duke of Detroit?


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