I was stuck watching the Rangers and Penguins through the magic of a Slingbox last night, due to my travels and travails across the Globe. Sitting in my room, staring at the fuzzy screen, thousands of miles from Madison Square Garden, I was screaming in unintelligible jibberish previously only known to Buzz Bissinger. Why?
BECAUSE THE FUCKING RANGERS CAN’T TAKE BEING HIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How many Rangers were going to limp to the bench last night? You’re getting fucked up by HAL GILL? Seriously? Chris Drury was hobbling around like my grandfather on Hour 3 of his Viagra kick, still wearing his tight khakis and trying not to break his aging cock.
You assholes can’t take a fucking hit and come back for more in the second round of the playoffs, at home, down 2-0? You don’t fucking deserve to advance, you fucking douchebags.
So now the Penguins get their second free ride of the playoffs. And who do they get? Either Pizza Bites and Sunny D or Emo Danny. God help us all, I’m going to have to start rooting for Marty Turco the flamenco dancer.
Fire the coach, cut Jagr, and do what you can to re-sign King Cock Knocker, fucksticks. Otherwise, you’re going to be looking at the lottery for a long time coming.
**Addendum: As you can probably tell, I wrote this before Avery was hospitalized. The point remains the same. This guy played at least 2/3 of the game with a life-threatening injury, and Drury hobbled along like a little gimp. Fuckheads.