Panic! at the Coffee House

While the Philadelphia Flyers are no doubt firmly entrenched in strategy meetings are lacing up for their morning skate, two of their star acquisitions are notably missing from the locker room.  The first would be their number one blue liner, Kimmo Timonen, who has been ruled out of the Pittsburgh series because of a blood clot on his ankle.  The other MIA?  We join him at a dark coffee house with his guitar, the Fretmonster.

 Ok, who are we kidding?  He’s at a damn Starbucks.

When my team is visiting other cities, I like to sneak away from the guys every now and then and seek out those local hot spots.  These are the places that breathe life into the soul of the city.  Without them, the only difference between metropolises is the color of the sweater our opponents wear.  On the road we have to wear the whites, this was a rule change that happened just before the Lockout.  The good news is we get to wear our darks back in Philly.  Every time we line up in the corridor to enter for warm-ups, I like to put my stick in the air and proclaim, “Welcome to the Black Parade!!!!1!!”

-And then Hatch likes to cheap shot me in the sternum.  The sternum, man.  I  never see it coming.-

But here we are in Pittsburgh, and I’ve managed to find the ideal locale to be alone with my thoughts.  Washington Place is a fine place for this Flying Hockey Master.  And nothing gets my fire blazing on an ethereal plane like the local brew – they call it Caramel Macchiatto.  You should totally get one.  It’s like if the Beatles managed to turn their music into coffee, assuming you replace Ringo with the drummer from Yellowcard.

-picks up local newspaper, called “USA Today”

Let’s see what the local press has to say about the good old hockey game.  Ah, I see that Detroit made short work of Dallas last night.  Can’t say that I’m surprised.  They have that winger who fronts 30 Seconds to Mars – put him on a line with Datsyuk and Holmstrom and they’re unstoppable.  Like a race horse driving a NASCAR powered by rocket fuel and dreams.

Hey look, here’s an article about my team!

PHILADELPHIA (AP) – Flyers All-Star defenseman Kimmo Timonen will likely miss the Eastern Conference finals against the Pittsburgh Penguins because of a blood clot in his left ankle. –

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

What do you mean his name is Kimmo?  All this time, I thought it was Emo.

-sigh-

-sips macchiato-

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13 Comments

  1. This ain’t a team, it’s a goddamn arm brace!

  2. You know what they do to guys like us in the NHL.

  3. Tell that Malk he just made my list of things to slash today

  4. The only difference between Daniel Briere and Derian Hatcher is press coverage.

  5. Tek Jansen FTW.

  6. ROFL.

    Everything about this post brought back the lulz.

  7. There’s a reason these players are numbered, honey, you just haven’t figured it out yet.

  8. @loser_domi: Wrong band. But we’ll let it slide, only because Hex used Panic! in the name (which, btw Hex, they decided to remove the exclamation point from their name).

    How ashamed you must all be for knowing those song titles.

  9. If you saw my music library, I should be ashamed to exist….

    Hi my name is Heather and I really like Fall Out Boy.

    /shows self out.

  10. Haha, I’m not that big of a fan of FOB. Pete Wentz is too much of a douchebag for me to like them. But Stumps (Patrick) is adorable_>;

  11. … epic fail at my post. D:

    There was a second half to that post, so I’ll just double post.

    I have a lot of bands in my library that would make you [=_=], but I’m sixteen. I’m allowed to listen to the bands that make you cringe. :D

  12. Whoa, I am not the youngest one here. Yessss.

  13. I’m probably the youngest one posting actually… I feel silly for having recognized all the musical referneces in that.


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