Vote Eventually, Vote Occasionally

As a delightful distraction to actual NHL hockey being played, the league office has used the last few weeks to sporadically announce the finalists for each of the many shiny and pointy awards they hand out after each NHL season.  And for every honor of an MVP, a Best Positional Player, or stellar rookie, there’s an ambiguously-awarded piece of hardware just waiting to collapse someone’s mantle.  Today, in a feature that shalt be recurring only if we’re out of column ideas, we present to you the nominees for the Masterton Trophy.

Who wants a giant gold cone of frozen custard?  I sure as hell do.

The Masterton Trophy is awarded to the player who “who best exemplifies the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship, and dedication to ice hockey.”  Translation: The Masteron Trophy is awarded to the player who didn’t die from a horrible disease, and managed to lace them up for an NHL team once more.”  You want some reflective metal hardware for the old kitchen island?  You don’t need to score goals anymore!  Just fall victim to a terrible physical malady in a year where no one else does, and you’re golden.  Cancer, surgery, potential blindness, concussions – any of these can be your golden ticket to Master-town.

Hell, Ken Daneyko got it for no longer being an alcoholic.  That’s the rarely-mentioned 13th step.

So who, praetell, can go down in history with the likes of John Cullen and Jamie McLennan this year?  Let’s check out their resumes.

 

Jason Blake

Credentials: Blake was diagnosed with chronic myelogeneous leukemia, which is a rare but treatable form of cancer.  He avoided getting a suckerpunch of doom from Steve Downie, and also played all 82 games for the Toronto Maple Leafs (that may hurt his chances for the accolade.)  And he was awesome in Powder.

Fernando Pisani

Credentials: Holy crap, do you know his deal?  The man got ulcerative colitis in 2005 and it waited until summer of 2007 to kick his ass.  He dropped 40 pounds, ended up in the hospital, and bet the house on a new form of drug therapy to avoid career-ending surgeries.  In December, he dressed for a game against Anaheim and played out the season as a contributor in Edmonton.

Chris Chelios

Credentials: Is fucking old.

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6 Comments

  1. Chris Chelios is friends with John C McGuinely. Which has me questioning the coolness of Dr Cox.

  2. Frozen custard sounds flippin’ awesome, you know that?

  3. kenny got a dewey in NJ a few years ago, they should have made him give back the award

  4. Jason Blake wins, under the little used “Cock Knocker” rule.

  5. My question is – considering you can only win the award once – that if Chelios doesn’t win, doesn’t he have to be a nominee every year until he retires in 2017? After all, with each additional year of playing he’s doing something more impressive that got him a nomination the previous year.

    Way to paint thyself into a corner, Masterton. (rip)

  6. @Hex:

    Chelly, I’d like you to meet Susan Lucci.


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