See You On The Fairway: Philadelphia Flyers

Not every team in the playoffs gets to hoist the Stanley Cup. Try as they may, 29 teams will end their hockey-related obligations without lifting the Holy Grail of Hockey. We here at MYFO encourage you to erase their substandard play from your collective memory, and join us in wishing them good luck on the golf course.

The Philadelphia Flyers:

What Happened?: Although the Penguins were better than a healthy Flyers team, Philadelphia suffered a series of injuries that severely crippled them. Kimmo Timonen’s blood clot prevented him from playing in four of the five games. Braydon Coburn’s eye closed up so tight that a sixer of Bacardi Razz wouldn’t open it. Simon Gagne believes that he’s a shepherd from Nepal.

Unlike these three, the rest of the team didn’t have an excuse. Danny Briere disappeared; the Flyers should have put his face on a milk carton. Marty Biron reenacted Roman Cechmanek’s previous performances. Derian Hatcher … well, those two words say it all.

Their Year in MYFO: Briere endeared himself to Bright Eyes fans everywhere. But he doesn’t like Titus Andronicus; that backup band is too heavy for his soul to bear. Paul Holmgren made some enemies for the team’s quick turnaround. Mike Richards rented a few classic movies. Eric Lindros announced his retirement from hockey, then went back to eating grass on Gagne’s lawn.

The Silver Lining: Philly’s young core will provide plenty of goals to thrill Flyers fans. Richards, who is Michael Peca with offensive talent, is signed through 2016. Jeff Carter and RJ Umberger are restricted free agents who should resign. Eventually, Simon Gagne will swap his staff for a Koho (but he won’t stop milking Lindros). While Vinny Prospal’s inconsistent scoring and shoddy defense will be gone next year, Derian Hatcher is signed for one more season. I foresee many “healthy scratches” in Hatcher’s future.

Assist to Awful Announcing for finding the pic

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7 Comments

  1. Wow, excellent pull on the Blur video.

    I CAN HAZ UMBERGER?

  2. Seriously, where the fuck was Emo Danny? A basement somewhere scrawling agonizing verse in a Moleskin? He was probably in a coffee shop.

  3. Danny was crying until nine in the afternoon every day during playoffs

    /ashamed to bring out more Panic at the Disco titles
    /shows self out

  4. It’s ok Domi, his whole like is a Panic at the Disco song…

  5. Briere is too old to pull a “you’ll never understand me and my pain, and you’ll see the error of your ways when i’m gone! i’m going to disappear and never come back” angsty-emo-kid-running-away-from-home bit, so I’m guessing he decided to go for the second-best angsty-emo-NHLer option of just disappearing from the playoffs instead.

  6. and by like i mean life.

  7. [...] This one  was chuckle worthy, so much in fact I had to do a double take.  Anything that insults the Flyers will always get the nod at Pensburgh.  By the way, this is not a photoshop of any kind; it’s a genuine pic that was up on NHL.com. [...]


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