Hockey Jesus Tells it Like it Is

In the New Testament, Jesus Christ often chose to speak in parables.  Figuring that anything He said would be treated as if it were a holy mandate, He often decided to spice thing up with some good old fashioned fablespeak.  For the wise, they were able to glean the message by interpreting it properly.  For those without, their literal minds allowed them to rob banks on account of being “prodigal.” 

Sidney Christ finds parables WAY overrated.

Crosby assessed his team’s situation after Game 4 with divine wisdom.

“We know what we have to do.  We gotta win to stay alive.”

The nice thing about being God’s Only Hockey Son is the power of infallibility.  And seriously, how can one argue with this statement?  Lose, and you’re dead.  Not alive?  You must not have won.  Cut and dry, Crosby’s read the writing on the wall, and delivered to us, his followers, in his Sermon on the, erm no, in the Locker Stall.

But if Crosby’s proselytizing from a high perch to the masses, teammate Max Talbot is the crazy guy on the street corner with the sandwich board.

“I put it this way — we’re in a peewee tournament right now,” Talbot said Sunday morning at Mellon Arena. “We’re in quarterfinals. You have to win the three games. It’s do or die, and if you want to win the finals, you have to win three games. That’s where we’re at right now.”

Apparently as a kid, Talbot played in The Running Man Peewee League.



  1. “You see, losing to the Red Wings is like shaving while drunk–it’s just not a good idea and it hurts like a bastard.”

    /actually had to find that out the hard way last week

  2. @ loser domi: face or balls?

  3. @rocco: Legs.

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