SYOTF Pittsburgh Edition 2: Back to the Minors

Not every team in the playoffs gets to hoist the Stanley Cup. Try as they may, 29 teams will end their hockey-related obligations without lifting the Holy Grail of Hockey. We here at MYFO encourage you to erase their substandard play from your collective memory, and join us in wishing them good luck on the golf course.  (And this time, Maxime Talbot can’t do a damn thing about it.)

Pittsburgh Penguins

What happened?  If you were to ask an employee of the NHL whose identity remains a mystery, he’d tell you that the extension of the Stanley Cup Finals to a Game 6 was a fix.  He’d tell you that the penalty that led to a late Steeltown power play was a fix, and the screen in front of the net that gave way for the Gonchar blast was orchestrated by the front office of the National Hockey League.  He’d tell you that Brad Stuart’s complete inability to not fall down was a fix.  But at the end of the day, Hockey Jesus believes a fix to be a sin, and He wasn’t going to win a Cup by bringing shame to his Father, Our Lord.  Don’t credit the Red Wings, people.  Blame Sidney Christ’s adherence to Morality.

Their Year in MYFO:  Before this Holy Playoff Crusade commenced, MYFO’s idolatry of Hockey Jesus and his Apostles started when Reasonable Doubt threw down against the Pensblog, and in our first week, we had enemies.  (We’ve arrived!)  Pittsburgh also was the beneficiary of our Search for More Contributors, with LoVT and Hopper joining our cadre.  Hopper rewarded us with a blow-by-blow of a night of bad officiating, while Tremblay was our man in the stands for the Winter Classic.  And somebody had a problem putting away lowly Toronto amidst glowing sweat.  Sid died, and the Pope Beech took over.  (First healthy scratch Pope ever.)

All in all, we tagged 60 posts for the Penguins.  That’s the combined total of Columbus, Vancouver, Calgary, Carolina, Los Angeles, Edmonton, Atlanta, and Boston combined.  Apparently, WE ARE THE PENSBLOG.

The Silver Lining?  Sidney Crosby has died for all man’s sins.  At some point, God’s going to reward him for that. 

Question: What do Roberts, Malone, Hossa, Laraque, Ruutu, Hall, Beech, Taffe, Dupuis, Eaton, Orpik, and Conklin have in common?  Let’s just say they lack restrictions.  Good luck, Mario.

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7 Comments

  1. Well maybe now the Pen can fill their rosters with some players that don’t have girlie names

  2. Dibs on “Babcock Blockers” for next year’s pool!

  3. Real nice.

    This post is fixed!

  4. I think God has already rewarded Sidney with unnaturally large thighs. And the ability to play hockey like nobody’s business…

  5. @ Dani: Whenever someone bring up Cros’ thighs, I think of the episode of Scrubs when Elliot is talking to JD about her and Keith’s role playing. And Keith is a wrestler and Elliot is the lesbian coach he tries to turn. “Don’t you just love his thighs pressed to your ears?”

    Except, I never ever want Crosby’s thighs that close to me. MAF’s maybe. And many other players in the NHL…..

  6. one way to not get press passes: write this blog.

    this is why they have blogs though. any non-journalism trained nimrod can get one and make stupid uninformed comments with wrong players and stupid remarks.

    rofl, oh, what that person would say now, since you guys might be going to the draft from VS. :P

  7. WAC: I liked when Mandy Moore was on scrubs. She’s all serious, “That is so funny.”

    By the way, I sat here and read all your Sabres posts last night. My faves were the Winter Classic being canceled and the list of reasons why people bought jerseys. I approve of you making fun of the Sabres. Because you need my approval.


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