Escape from Hockeytown, Part V

We now continue with MYFO’s Classic Movie Adaptation of Escape from New York. In today’s segment, Snake McCarty continues his quest to locate Gary Bettman after the Commissioner’s plane went down in Detroit. Along the way, Snake meets some interesting characters, including Bob Probert, who has fallen on bad times.

Part I of Escape from Hockeytown can be found here , Part II here, Part III here and Part IV is here.

INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

The signal from the tracer keeps getting closer and closer. Snake walks past a gang beating up a semi-conscious minor leaguer. He doesn’t take much notice. He keeps going. He sees a disheveled Dave Lewis sitting by a fire.

DAVE LEWIS

Hi, Chief. Nice night. Nice sweater. Niiiiice sweater. Hey.

 A guy tries to sneak up behind Snake. Snake knocks him out and points his stick at the bum.

 DAVE LEWIS

Easy now, chief. I’m walking. I’m walking.

The bum walks away. Snake keeps going. A man beats up another man at a sink. The beatee is wearing the Commissioner’s life tracer. Snake kicks the beater and knocks him out.  

SNAKE McCARTY

Mr. Commissioner…

The man wearing the life tracer looks up and smiles. It’s Bob Probert – and he’s drunk.  

BOB PROBERT

I’m the Commissioner? Sure, I’m the Commissioner. If I knew where I got this thing – (indicates the tracer) I’d be the Commissioner.  

SNAKE McCARTY

Where did you get it?  

BOB PROBERT

I woke up, and there it was, just like a miracle…

Snake slams the tracer against the sink.

INT. BASE – NIGHT

The Commissioner’s life signs all fail.  

OFFICIAL

Oh my god…  

TRAINER

             It… It may be just an impact on the mechanism itself…

INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

Snake pulls up his walkie-talkie.  

SNAKE McCARTY

Babcock?!

  INT. BASE – NIGHT  

BABCOCK

I’m right here, McCarty.  

SNAKE McCARTY

             I don’t know who you assholes are looking at, but it’s NOT the Commissioner.

 INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

Snake holds the walkie-talkie up to Bob Probert.  

BOB PROBERT

(to the tune of Joy to the World) Hail to the commish…La la la la la la …  

SNAKE McCARTY

All right, get your machine ready. I’m coming out.

INT. BASE – NIGHT  

BABCOCK

18 hours, McCarty.

INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT  

SNAKE McCARTY

Listen to me, Babcock. The Commissioner is DEAD, you got that? Somebody’s had him for dinner!

  

INT. BASE – NIGHT  

BABCOCK

McCarty, if you get back in that glider I’ll shoot you down. You climb out, I’ll burn you off the wall. You understand that, McCarty?  

INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

Snake stares at his walkie-talkie.  

SNAKE McCARTY

A little human compassion…

EXT. DETROIT- NIGHT  

Snake walks on. He’s in an area with streetlights. He keeps going.  

EXT. POD – NIGHT  

Snake stares at the pod. No clues. He looks around. Nothing. As he comes back up, he sets up a chair and sits down heavily. He touches his neck. It’s like he can feel the cores dissolving.  

A crazy walks past, bangs on manhole covers. Snake doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he doesn’t like it. Especially not when the manhole covers start to rise up. He runs off.  

INT. BUILDING – NIGHT / EXT. DETROIT – NIGHT / EXT. ALLEYS – NIGHT  

Snake runs through the building, breaks a window, and climbs up a fire escape to get to a new floor. He breaks a window to get in, then pulls a cabinet in front of the window. He shoots through the cabinet, causing some crazy to scream. He busts down a door, shoots open part of a wall, busts through that, climbs out a window, and climbs down a telephone pole. He then climbs up a wall. On the way he drops his walkie-talkie. He runs down an alley, and as he does, Gordie Howe pulls up.  

GORDIE HOWE

Where you goin’, buddy?  

Snake points his stick at Gordie. He looks behind him, then gets in the cab.  

INT. CAB – NIGHT  

Snake notices a tape player which is playing the theme from “Hockey Night in Canada.”  

GORDIE HOWE

Bad neighborhood, Snake! You don’t want to be walking around here at night! I’ve been driving around Detroit for 30 years and I’m telling you, you don’t walk around anywhere is this town at night! Yes, sir! They’ll kill you and strip you in ten seconds flat. Usually I’m not down around here myself, but I wanted to catch that show.  

Gordie lights a rag stuffed down the neck of a bottle which is full of gasoline.  

GORDIE HOWE

This stuff is like gold around here, you know.  

EXT. CAB – NIGHT  

Gordie throws the bottle into the alley, where it explodes.  

INT. CAB – NIGHT  

GORDIE HOWE

Hey, Snake, when’d you get in? I didn’t even know they caught you. (laughs) Ohhh, Snake McCarty in my car. Wait’ll I tell Ken Kal! Hey, hang on, Snake.  

EXT. CAB – NIGHT  

Gordie makes a sharp turn.  

INT. CAB – NIGHT  

GORDIE HOWE

Hey, what were you doing back there, Snake?  

SNAKE McCARTY

Looking for somebody. 

GORDIE HOWE

Well, why didn’t you ask me? Hell, I know everybody in this town. Yes, sir. I’ve been driving around this town for thirty years, this very same car. 

Snake points his stick at Gordie.  

SNAKE McCARTY

I’m GONNA ask you. Now where’s the Commissioner?  

GORDIE HOWE

The Duke’s got him! Everyone knows the Duke’s got him! You don’t have to threaten me. I’ll tell you!  

SNAKE McCARTY

Who’s the Duke?  

GORDIE HOWE

The DUKE! The Duke of Detroit! A-Number-1! The big man, that’s who! 

SNAKE McCARTY

I want to meet this Duke. 

GORDIE HOWE

You can’t meet the Duke, are you crazy? Nobody wants to meet the Duke! You meet him once and then you’re dead!  

 To be continued…

 

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