NHL Quakes in Its ‘Boots’ Following Major Defection to Russia

As MYFO reported previously, the NHL initially professed little worry that a new Russian professional league would swoop in armed with railcars full of petrodollars and sign away premiere hockey talent. The Russian league, known as the KHL (“K Comes Before N”) tried, and failed, to sign Evgeni Malkin out of Pittsburgh. Now, however, they’ve got the next best thing.

That’s right–erstwhile Islander Wade Dubielewicz has followed Chris Simon and defected to the KHL. Who’s next? Curtis Sanford? Ole-Kristian Tollefson? There’s no telling, but MYFO is hearing some Level 12 rumors about Jason Strudwick.

Meanwhile, feelings in the Dubielewicz household were mixed. Wade himself was ecstatic, because in addition to the Russian millions he will be paid, he will also save a shitload on shipping costs for his mail-order bride. His grandmother, however, was livid, and told Wade he could “make his own lousy pierogis” from now on.

NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman read the following prepared statement:

I am shocked and saddened at the news that Wade Dubielewicz, a popular and prominent NHL player, has left this fine league to go play in Russia. No one saw this coming. You do all the things you can do to verify certain things. You go through the checks. The bottom line is, no red flags came up. Dos vedanya, Wade.

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4 Comments

  1. I’d make a Russian Reversal but Domi is so much better at them than I am.

    I will say, Dubiewicz sounds like a Polish name. And my Pollack peeps don’t have the best of relations with Russia.

  2. You take that back about Strudwick. He’s a Ranger at heart.

  3. @ wraparoundcurl: That’s why his grandma was so mad.

  4. In Soviet Russia, Dubielewicz Wades you?

    Take that Domi. Beat you to the punch.


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