Did he just say “Making Puck”?

Mike Smith: I don’t care if she is a Seen Stamkos girl, I’m gonna knock those boots again tonight!

[Barry Melrose walks in]

Mike Smith: Oh, look who it is! The Human Mullet!

Barry Melrose: Scumbag, what are you doing?

Mike Smith: Nothin’, just hanging out with Vinny Lec and our new goalie.

Barry Melrose: He’s your cousin?

Mike Smith: Yeah, and he’s from Russia too.

Barry Melrose: No way! What part of Russia?

Mike Smith: I don’t fuckin’ know, do I look like his fuckin’ biographer? Olaf, what part of Russia are you from?

Olaf Kolzig: I’m not Russian. I’m German.

Barry Melrose: He only speaks Russian? That’s not good for team-building.

Mike Smith: No, he speaks English, but he cannot speak it good like we can.

Olaf Kolzig: Actually, I’ve lived in Canada since I was a teenager. I don’t speak Russian, but I do speak a bit of German. I’ve been playing in North America since 1989 when I got drafted, and I was born in South Africa.

Barry Melrose: Is he staying here?

Mike Smith: Only until I learn to handle the pressure of being an everyday goalie. He wants to be a metal singer.

Barry Melrose: No way!

Mike Smith: No, it’s true. Olaf, Metal!!

Olaf Kolzig: Karaoke is a hobby of mine when I’m drunk, but I’d really like to tell you guys about the Carson Kolzig Foundation for Youth Autism.

Mike Smith: That’s his fuckin’ metal face. Olaf, coach nice?

Olaf Kolzig: Mr. Melrose, I’ve heard so much about you, and it’ll be an honor to play for you.

Mike Smith: That’s fucked up, man…

Barry Melrose: What’d he say?

Mike Smith: I don’t know, but this guy’s a character.

Barry Melrose: He really wants to play metal?

Mike Smith: Yeah, he’s got his own band, called I’m Olie the Goalie or somethin.

Barry Melrose: That doesn’t sound metal.

Mike Smith: You gotta hear him sing. Olaf, Berzerker! C’mon man, Berzerker!

Olaf Kolzig: I don’t know, man, it’s late, there’s no background track, and I really want to tell you guys about the foundation I’m running…

Barry Melrose: Does he sing in English or Russian?

Olaf Kolzig: I’m not Russian!!!

Mike Smith: In English. C’mon, Olaf. Berzerker, coach might give you playing time! He might even donate to your cause! Aw, watch, he’s gonna sing, it’s too funny…

Olaf Kolzig:

I ONLY MAKE SAVES BY STROKE OF LUCK BERZERKER

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MAKING PUCK BERZERKER

Mike Smith: That’s fucking funny, man.

Barry Melrose: Did he say Making Puck?

[Later]

Olaf Kolzig:

I PLAY AGAINST THE TICKING CLOCK BERZERKER

I SHOULD HAVE BECOME A FUCKING DUCK BERZERKER

Dan Boyle: That’s beautiful, man…

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8 Comments

  1. Yes. Best adaptation ever.

  2. Hey, does anyone know what jersey number Olie wears?

  3. He wears 37

  4. Did those assholes drink all the Gatorade?

    Puck that was funny. And I’m not even supposed to be here today.

  5. @ “dave”: In a row?!

    Salsa shark…

  6. COMPLETELY AWESOME.

    Hermaphroditic porn is so underrated.

  7. niiiiice

    Damn milk maidens

  8. That was awsome!!


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