The Chuckle Hut Presents the Comedy Stylings of Kevin “Laughmaster” Lowe!

Hey, everybody! Thanks for having me out to the Chuckle Hut! I’m a little new at the comedy game. I spend most of my time being a champion and pissing excellence. But with my track record, I’m sure I’ll be a winner at this, too.

Check out this crowd. What a bunch of inbreeds. Can you people count to six? I can, with just one hand. No, I’m not a mutant, like certain California-dwelling morons. No, I just had my last Stanley Cup ring sized EXTRA FREAKING LARGE and outfitted with a clit-flicker. It’s like my old buddy Mac-T always says–women are like carpet; lay ’em right the first time, and you can walk all over them for years. Am I right, or am I right?

Hey, is this thing on? You people must be chuckle-impaired. That’s fine; it goes with your lousy haircuts. This is a pathetic comedy market; I’m betting that there won’t even be a review of my tour de force performance in the local fishwrapper that passes for a news delivery device in this hellhole. I’d shake the dust of this town from my feet, but you people are too fucking cheap to even have dust, just clods. You can’t shake a clod. Not like a baby, anyway. Hey, it’s a joke, people! Lighten up!

Speaking of poor segue skills, I got a new car last week. Don’t you just hate car salesmen? Me, too! That’s why I avoid them entirely. I saw this sweet Chevy Silverado pickup–built in Oshawa, Ontario; now there’s a town that can appreciate some comedy, unlike this shitheel burg–so I just went up to the guy as he was about to get in, whacked him in the head and drove off. Don’t worry, it’s not like I stole it. I stapled a flyer to his jacket good for $500 off at Crazy Eddie’s Motor World, good anytime during 2010.

Hey, who else hates summer? I sure do! It’s hot, and that reminds me of Flames. Who suck!! As if I needed to say that. I hope my daughter sucks as much as the Flames some day. It’s another joke! You people have some serious issues; you’re just jealous that you’re not up here in the spotlight. Maybe after you’ve hoisted the Stanley Cup six times, you’ll get your turn.

Whoa! They’re flashing that little light. Looks like my time is up. You’ve been terrible. Enjoy Carrot Top!

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3 Comments

  1. Michael Richards was up next and the crowd cheered for him. Talk about insulting!

  2. Where is this taking place again?

  3. Is that a denim suit he’s wearing?


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