Jeremy Jacobs: Quincy, where’s my coffee? I can’t make snap decisions without a fresh cup of joe!
Quincy: On its way, sir.
Jacobs: Hello? Mr. Henry? By Jove it’s nice to talk to you! Oh yes, I see your dazzling Red Sox are putting up the good fight with Tampa Bay! My good man, I don’t know how those plucky upstarts are competing with your group of old hands! I’m sure you can find another well-furrowed chap to compete with those whippersnappers!
What are we doing, sir? Well, we’ve signed Michael Ryder to a multi-year deal. He lit the red lamp 30 times 2 years ago! And, um, you remember the great prospect Blake Wheeler? He’ll provide that offense for which we’ve desperately searched for years to come! And … and … I … er, well my famous client the Earl of Rochester has just entered to discuss biscuits and tea! Good day, chap!
Quincy, where is my thinking juice?
Quincy: Coming, sir.
Jacobs: Mr. Henry was boasting about his beloved Red Sox again, Quincy. How will we ever compete with that juggernaut?
Quincy: I’m not sure, sir. I’m just an intern. Making money is your deal.
Jacobs: We must appeal to the younger crowd. The cool kids, the hipsters! Quincy, you’re a cool, hip kid! Name something you do!
Quincy: Get stoned.
Jacobs: Stoned? Like St. Stephen? I will not play Saul in the stoning of Bruins fans. I don’t want to change my name to Paul! It’s Jeremy, consarnit!
Quincy: Well, I listen to music …
Jacobs: Of course! That’s it, Quincy! I’ll create a new Bruins team song! Catchy and edgy, valorous and accessible, and cheaper than a day at Woolworth’s! We’ll need a Boston band, though. Any suggestions?
Quincy: Uh, Boston?
Jacobs: No, no, no! Those sub-par crooners boil my blood and cost more than Zdeno Chara’s sweater!
Jacobs: Quincy, you buffoon! They’re all over sports highlights! No one in their right mind would listen to Toys in the Attic anyway! I need some hipster music!
Quincy: Hipster music …
Jacobs: I need you to find me the Artie Shaw of Amherst! The Bing Crosby of Boston! The Harry Gibson of Hanover!
Jacobs: Report back to me in a week with your findings! I want to bring the big band back to Beantown!
Quincy: Uh, ok sir.
Quincy leaves the room, sits at his desk, and picks up the phone
Hi, Matador Records, please …
Part II coming soon