Escape from Hockeytown, Part VI

Back by “popular” demand (and by “popular”, I mean a few of my fellow editors enjoy it – everyone else? Can’t say), we now continue with MYFO’s Classic Movie Adaptation of Escape from New York. As we move further into the story, Snake McCarty continues his quest to locate Gary Bettman after the Commissioner’s plane went down in Detroit. Also, in this installment, Snake meets someone from his past who may have an idea where the Commissioner may be located. Enjoy.

Part I of Escape from Hockeytown can be found here , Part II here, Part III here , Part IV is here and Part V? Well, click right here, dear reader.

EXT. BRAIN’S BUILDING – NIGHT

Gordie parks the cab and he and Snake walk up to Brain’s building. 

GORDIE HOWE

I hate to leave her on the street. Usually I don’t leave her alone at all. But you’re a special case, Snake. 

He and Snake walk up to the door. Gordie knocks on the door with his shoe. 

GORDIE HOWE

It’s OK, Snake. It’s a better neighborhood. You can relax. 

Relax? Snake checks his life clock. “17:40:46. 45. 44”. Relax, my ass.

SNAKE McCARTY

Thanks.

GORDIE HOWE

Boy, they got a great place here. Like a fortress!

 SNAKE McCARTY

They? 

From the inside, someone answers.

ELISHA CUTHBERT

Who is it?

GORDIE HOWE

It’s me!

ELISHA CUTHBERT

Who’s me?

GORDIE HOWE

Gordie!

ELISHA CUTHBERT

What do you want?

GORDIE HOWE

Somebody wants to see Brain, it’s important –

ELISHA CUTHBERT

No way, Gordie –

 GORDIE HOWE

No, it’s Snake! Snake McCarty! 

Elisha opens the door. She stands there and surveys the pair.

ELISHA CUTHBERT

You’re McCarty?

GORDIE HOWE

He wants to see Brain.

ELISHA CUTHBERT

Why?

SNAKE McCARTY

I want to meet the Duke.

Snake and Elisha exchange a glance. She leads them in.

INT. BRAIN’S – NIGHT

GORDIE HOWE

Hey, what do you think of this place, Snake? It used to be a public indoor skating rink. Oh, that Brain, he’s the greatest! Mr. Fabulous! Duke loves him.

SNAKE McCARTY

(gesturing at Elisha)

Who’s that?

 GORDIE HOWE

That’s Elisha. Brain’s squeeze. The Duke gave her to Brain just to keep him happy… see what I mean?

Snake can tell that Elisha’s more than just Brain’s squeeze; she’s his bodyguard, too. She looks like she’d be willing to kill to protect Brain.

 ELISHA CUTHBERT

Heard you were dead.

INT. BRAIN’S ROOM – NIGHT

 GORDIE HOWE

Brain? Brain! I brought somebody to see you!

Snake looks at Brain. He knows this guy.

SNAKE McCARTY

Dion Phaneuf.

 Brain puts down his book and stands up.

“BRAIN” PHANEUF

Snake?

ELISHA CUTHBERT

“Dion”?

SNAKE McCARTY

Where you been, Dion? It’s been a long time.

ELISHA CUTHBERT

You never told me you knew Snake McCarty, Brain.

 GORDIE HOWE

Isn’t that great? Hey, Brain, I could use some gas if you can spare some…

 No one pays attention. Snake advances on Brain. Brain sits down.

SNAKE McCARTY

I’m glad you remember me. Yeah. A man should remember his past. Calgary, three years ago. You ran out on me. You left me sitting there.

 “BRAIN” PHANEUF

You were late.

SNAKE McCARTY

We were buddies, Dion. You, me, and Big Tree Jarome. You know what they did to Jarome? Those fucking goons from the Wild got to ‘em because of you, you sonuvabitch!

His face changes. He suddenly kicks Brain’s chair into the wall and points his skate blade at Brain. 

Elisha grabs a stick and starts advancing on Snake.

 SNAKE McCARTY

You want to see him sprayed all over that map, baby? 

(to Brain) Where’s the Commissioner?!

“BRAIN” PHANEUF

Swear to god, Snake, I don’t know –

SNAKE McCARTY

Don’t fuck with me!

“BRAIN” PHANEUF

Why do you want to know?

SNAKE

I want him.

“BRAIN” PHANEUF

Working for the man now, huh?

SNAKE McCARTY

Then I’ll just beat it out of your squeeze –

“BRAIN” PHANEUF

Mm-hm. Elisha doesn’t know EXACTLY where he is and unless you know EXACTLY PRECISELY where he is you’ll never find him.

 Snake takes his gun away. He contemplates Brain.

 SNAKE McCARTY

Listen, I’ll take you out of here. Yeah. Jet glider just a couple of blocks down the street. And all you gotta do is get me to him.

 Everyone realizes the importance of this.

GORDIE HOWE

No kidding? On the level? Will you take me, too?

“BRAIN” PHANEUF

We’ve got to deal somewhere else.

SNAKE McCARTY

No glider.

ELISHA CUTHBERT

We’ve got the Commissioner. And the Duke’s taking everybody out of here.

SNAKE McCARTY

Never happen. See, I know something you and the Duke don’t know. We’ve only got so long before the Commissioner don’t mean a whole lot.

“BRAIN” PHANEUF

You’re lying.

ELISHA CUTHBERT

Maybe he’s not…

“BRAIN” PHANEUF

I know him! Look at his face, he’s lying!

 SNAKE McCARTY

Right, Dion. I’m lying. So I might as well have some fun and keep looking by myself.

He grips his skate and points the blade at Brain again.

ELISHA CUTHBERT

Brain –

SNAKE McCARTY

Talk to him, baby –

ELISHA CUTHBERT

Brain, he’ll kill us both if you don’t tell him –

GORDIE HOWE

(panicking)

Brain, you’ve got to tell him!

ELISHA CUTHBERT

(panicking)

Brain, you’ve got to tell him –

GORDIE HOWE

(panicked)

Tell him, tell him, tell him –

“BRAIN” PHANEUF

ALL RIGHT!!!

 Snake lowers the skate.

 SNAKE McCARTY

You always were smart, Dion.

 “BRAIN” PHANEUF

Just one thing right now. Don’t call me “Dion.”

To be continued…

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3 Comments

  1. I am glad you were accurate with Cuthbert’s dialog. We all know she can barely manage a full sentence.

  2. Love you man….But it’s time to let this thing die.

  3. @Negro Observer: dude, I’ve come this far – I have to finish it now. And believe me, I have seriously considered killing this fucking bit more than once…


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