The Adventures of Olie the Goalie

Olaf Kolzig: Well, I guess playing here and alternating between me and Smith isn’t the worst idea in the world…I should go see what the forwards are up to.

Vinny Lecavalier: You said you scored with seven different guys!
Steven Stamkos: Because I never scored with the others!
Vinny Lecavalier: You assisted them!
Steven Stamkos: I sent them a few passes. I assisted their goals but I never scored with them.
Vinny Lecavalier: Oh my God, WHY did you tell me you only scored with seven different guys?
Steven Stamkos: Because I DID score with only seven different guys; that doesn’t mean I didn’t just go with people.
Vinny Lecavalier: Oh my God, I feel so nauseous!
Steven Stamkos: I’m sorry, Vinny, I thought you understood!
Vinny Lecavalier: I did understand! I understood that you scored with seven different guys and that’s all you said!
Steven Stamkos: Please calm down.
Vinny Lecavalier: How many?
Steven Stamkos: Vinny
Vinny Lecavalier: How many assists did you have?
Steven Stamkos: Let it go!
Vinny Lecavalier: How many?
Steven Stamkos: All right, shut up a second and I’ll tell you! Jesus! I didn’t freak out like this when you told me how many fights you actually won!
Vinny Lecavalier: This is different, this is important. How many?
[long pause as fan asks for an autograph]
Vinny Lecavalier: Well?
Steven Stamkos: Something like… 46.
Vinny Lecavalier: What? Something like 46?
Steven Stamkos: Lower your voice.
Vinny Lecavalier: Wait, what is that anyway, something like 46? Does that INCLUDE that last one against Kitchener?
Steven Stamkos: Ummm… 47.
Vinny Lecavalier: That was 47?

[another pause as another fan asks for an autograph]

Vinny Lecavalier: My rookie assisted on 47 goals last year!

Fan: …in a row??

[Stamkos storms out]

Vinny Lecavalier: Try not to assist on any goals on your way to the parking lot!

[Martin St. Louis perks up and follows]

Vinny Lecavalier: Hey get back here!!

[Olaf Kolzig turns around and walks away]

Olaf Kolzig: Rats!

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8 Comments

  1. Would you like some making fuck… BERZERKER.

  2. “I guess playing here and alternating between me and Smith isn’t the worst idea in the world”

    thats where youre wrong olie, tampa sucks

  3. I think a team might get scored on in a very uncomfortable place.

  4. @ Turd: What, like the back of a Volkswagen?

  5. Let’s just hope St Louis doesn’t get all traumatized having sex with a dead guy in a bathroom.

    Wait, what?

  6. [Kolzig heads back to the locker room, and hears a rather heated discussion]

    Olaf Kolzig: Excuse me, I don’t mean to interrupt, but, uh, what are you talking about?
    Ryan Malone: The ending of Return of the Jedi.
    Gary Roberts: My friend here’s trying to convince me that any independent contractors who were working on the uncompleted Death Star were innocent victims when it was destroyed by the Rebels.

    [Kolzig runs for his car]

  7. Ollie wasn’t even supposerd to be here today!

    (been a long time since seeing Clerks)

  8. Duh dun duh dun duh dun, Salsa shark!


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