5 Ways We’d Steal PD’s Bit

  1. Over the course of August, the Internets’ most prominent hockey blogger, Greg Wyshynysykyi, ran a series of posts where he asked various people in the community de puck what five ways they would improve the sport.  Three things happened:
  2. 1. We pissed off Ted Leonsis something fierce.
  3. 2. We beat the topics of contraction, division naming, and shootouts to the point of exhaustion.
  4. 3. We were appeased by free photos of Ice Girls.

Oh, yeah, one other thing happened.  Wyshynynysykyi took one of the best ideas of August before anyone of us other jokers could use it.  So instead, we spend the month scouring the wires for other ideas, which meant we gave Stu Barnes more attention in one afternoon than he got in his whole 47-year career.  Copycats of the idea ensued, and we, lacking creativity and shame, are ready to jump the boards and take our shift.

To our readers who stuck with us in fucking August – we thank you.  September’s around the corner, and for those of you ready to join us after a three-day weekend bender, will find that things will perk up around here in the coming month.  But we close August with MYFO’s 5 Ways We’d Change the NHL.

  • You see, when there are five of us, we each only have to put 20% effort in.
  • Regarding the picture above, Weed has extremely feminine hands.
  • Wait a minute.  WHY ARE THERE SIX HANDS?  This blog is haunted.

Continue reading

Akim Aliu at the 2007 NHL Draft

In honor of Akim Aliu’s recent signing with the Blackhawks (and my lack of creativity), I’ve decided to republish a piece about the New Nigerian Nightmare from the 2007 NHL Draft.  This was originally posted on the late Kill Bill Wirtz blog.  May he burn in Gehenna.

Why do you say I am mad? I can sense them. You don’t? Mumbling, whispering, groaning. They’re there.

Continue reading

You Can’t Spell Steen without N-E-S

Using only the constraints of Nintendo Ice Hockey, I will now explain to you the soul-crushing downfall of the once mighty Toronto Maple Leafs.  Continue reading

Jesus Marimba! Not Another Charity Hockey Game!

Here we go again. The inaugural Festival Cup charity hockey game will take place on September 5th at the Air Canada Centre in Toronto. The event benefits the Right to Play, “an international humanitarian organization that uses sport and play programs to improve health, develop life skills, and foster peace for children and communities in some of the most disadvantaged areas of the world.”

Continue reading

Teenage Angstclub

As Rask so eloquently pointed out, there’s not a whole lot going on right now in Puck World.  And without any logical tie-ins to the Olympics or NFL Training Camp, ice hockey beat writers are struggling with their August doldrum “PAY ATTENTION TO ME” pieces.  But thanks to a bunch of pre-teens swinging metal bats somewhere in Pennsylvania, there’s still hope.

Ah, the Little League World Series.

For those not important enough to get a Beijing press pass or a unlimited expense account to visit suburban collegiate gridirons, they are left to cover a nationally-televised children with He Kexin-esque aging issues.  Hey, hockey writers!  You’re not doing anything!  See if you can find an NHL tie-in at the LLWS!

Ah, Chris Drury.

As a few some all of you know, New York Rangers forward Chris Drury had a LLWS ring (he promptly traded it to Billy for a Todd Van Poppel rookie card).  NHL.com has desperately interviewed Drury, learning such ground breaking insights like how he “remembers what a good time it was” and “it was exciting.”  Get that guy a Pulitzer. 

(Or a Todd Van Poppel rookie card.)

After the jump, we give you what Chris Drury really thinks about his diamond days, assuming he’s got a bit of Truth Serum Lager and Ale in him.

Continue reading

Dear God, How Can Three Months Seem So Long?

Ah, the doldrums of an NHL blogger during the summer. No reports of Mike Keenan making players cry, Chris Chelios is regenerating in Jaye Davidson’s sarcophagus, and Marty Turco’s gender solidifies off the ice. What am I supposed to mock?

Continue reading

NHL Mascots: Exposed! (Volume V)

Welcome to another installment of MYFO’s NHL Mascots: Exposed! Series. I am confident that by now you all know the routine, so let’s just get to it, shall we?

One caveat: as has been the case with other volumes, we are dealing with mascots, so things can get a little hairy, literally and figuratively, so be forewarned.

Continue reading