MYFO’s Open Letter Series: In Which LeNoceur Defends the Honor of Ice Girls Everywhere

Dear uptight bloggers and Internet commenters who start insulting Ice Girls all willy-nilly:

You’ve hurt me, more than words can say. If you’re going to dis Ice Girls, fine, just do it in an orderly fashion, thank you very much. Righteous anger, like one’s concentration during cunnilingus, should be tightly focused. It does no one any good to just start slopping your tongue all over the place.

Ice Girls, especially, don’t deserve this treatment. Ice Girls represent, if not the pinnacle, at least a lofty crag on the mountain of hockey enjoyment. Let me explain: I like sports. I like ladies. These are sportsladies! Hooray! They have my whole-hearted support. But not everyone is such a fan.

Criticism of Ice Girls appears to fall into three tragically misguided categories.

1. Fans (most loudly, male ones) who believe that Ice Girls somehow tarnish the purity of the game of hockey. This club’s motto is “The Game Should Be Enough.” First of all, I know these guys. They loudly “tsk, tsk” Ice Girls in the presence of their wives/girlfriends…and then fantasize about Suzi‘s ice-shoveling skills while sort-of enjoying the occasional missionary sex they are permitted. They know, and I know and you know, that the Game Is Not Enough.

The Canadiens don’t need Ice Girls (although, frankly, Montreal strip club rejects would give them the hottest Ice Girls in the league by several orders of magnitude). Neither do the Leafs, or the Rangers or the Wings. Those arenas are full; the fan bases are both broad and deep (Heh. I said “broad.”). But let’s say you are the Thrashers. Or the Islanders. Or the Lightning. If some girls in short skirts and flesh-covered tights will put a couple hundred extra asses in the seats, well hallelujah. Somebody put in a call for push-up bras!

I’m not going to tell you that anyone goes to a hockey game strictly for the Ice Girls. That would be creepy and wrong. But as part of the “game experience,” along with music videos and stupid contests, they leave casual fans (who maybe got a free ticket from a buddy or through work) with the takeaway impression that they had a nice time, and maybe would come back again (and even pay for it!). If the NHL relied solely on hardcore, “purist” fans to buy tickets, we’d still be stuck with the Original Six and maybe a few other stray franchises that relocated every five years. So if you’re a non-Canadian hockey purist who lives anywhere south of Philadelphia, shut the fuck up already and thank Jeebus that the Ice Girls and other promotional gimmicks are allowing you to enjoy the sport.

Is this what you want to end up watching?

Is this what you want to end up watching?

2. Ice Girls promote the continued objectification of women, which is disgusting and wrong. I am not, despite the song linked to above, a woman hater (some of my best friends are women, haha). This argument might have more force if the makers of it weren’t constantly using terms like “Ice Bitches” and “Ice Tramps” to emphasize their points. Language counts. Words matter.

I want to sympathize with this argument. I really do. I have two daughters. But if I am totally honest with myself, I can say this: guys like to look at pretty girls. And they aren’t going to stop doing it. That’s just a fact of life. When my girls are a little older, I am quite certain that guys will look at them (don’t even bother suggesting that my progeny are less than ideals of physical perfection, because you would either be lying outright or engaged in a futile attempt to get under my skin). If the guys are too old or creepy or are being just a little too open about it, I may have a brief and pointed conversation with them, wherein I casually mention my gun collection and a little parcel of wetlands my family owns. But for the most part, that’s just life. If I’m lucky, they’ll have hot friends who I can discreetly ogle while I read the newspaper.

Where Can I Order These?

Where Can I Order These?

All (straight) men objectify women to some degree. It ultimately is a matter of whether a guy can only relate to women as objects. Which the Ice Girls provide no evidence of one way or the other. As Confucius might have said, complaining about guys looking at pretty girls is like Keanu Reeves taking acting lessons. Some things you can’t change. I also find it just a weeeee bit presumptuous to be complaining on behalf of the Ice Girls that they are being objectified. They are big girls; they can decided for themselves the level of ogling and objectification to which they want to be subjected. You would make a different choice; fine. I’m happy to support you, too.

3. Ice Girls are “slutty-looking” and undermine legitimate women hockey fans, what with their flouncing and perky pushed-up breasts and whatnot. Meeee-fucking-oooww! Nothing sets feminism back 30 years like women being catty to each other about their looks. The WHOLE FUCKING POINT of the feminist movement was that women should not be judged by their looks, but by their abilities. And some other shit about equal pay, and not having your ass grabbed more than twice a week by the CEO. As an employment lawyer, I can tell you we ain’t solved that shit yet, and YOU’RE NOT FUCKING HELPING. You dismissing other women by saying they dress “trashily” or “like hookers” or mocking the fact that they are “working their way through college” tells guys that it’s PERFECTLY OK TO JUDGE WOMEN SOLELY BY HOW THEY LOOK. What about their ice-shoveling abilities? Their hard work at the community-college? When are these women going to be properly respected for their achievements? Honestly, this opinion is not more than a few steps away from “Look what she was wearing–she was practically asking for it!” Which is about as anti-feminist as it gets.

Look, there are two kinds of guys: assholes and not-quite-as-bad assholes. Assholes are threatened by women who are as smart (or, Vishnu forbid, smarter) as they are. On a “manly” subject like sports, deer hunting or barbecue techniques, doubly so. They prefer women who are dumb and insecure, because it helps them suspend their disbelief about who they really are. But you DON’T WANT TO BE WITH AN ASSHOLE ANYWAY. You’ve got more self-respect than that. So who gives a shit what they think? Not-quite-as-bad assholes like smart, confident women. We find it very hot. I’ve never met Wraparoundcurl and have no idea what she looks like, but I am certain she is a total babe (thatidonothaveanyactualinterestinbecauseiamhappilymarriedtoawonderful woman). Because she is smart, talented and knows who she is and isn’t afraid to show it. If guys don’t respect you as a female sports fan, it’s not the Ice Girls’ fault. You just need to not hang around assholes.

So there it is. LeNoc loves and respects the Ice Girls. If you don’t like it, get the funk out.

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15 Comments

  1. Excellent post! Being a fan of the coyotes, I have heard all those excuses from both men and women. Honestly, I don’t care what they do when the boys aren’t out playing on the ice. I came for the hockey and if some cute girls get more butts in the seats, more power to them! I actually liked the dance team too. It was something different to watch then the same old contests and mini mite hockey teams.

    The last paragraph is what I’ve been saying for a long time. As a female sports fan, I’ve encountered quite a few guys who can’t stand that I know sports but I have also met a ton that love the fact I can talk hockey/basketball/baseball etc with them.

    My favorite part:
    They prefer women who are dumb and insecure, because it helps them suspend their disbelief about who they really are. But you DON’T WANT TO BE WITH AN ASSHOLE ANYWAY. You’ve go tmore self-respect than that. So who gives a shit what they think?

    This is exactly what I’ve been saying all along. I have one of them (and their insecure girlfriend) harassing me on my blog and had to turn on the comment moderation. Soon I may have to take legal action.

    Thanks for the great post! I will certainly come back and check out your blog more often!

  2. I’m sure wrap got a huge kick out of your knid words, LeNoceur. I second the YOU DON’T WANT TO BE WITH AN ASSHOLE ANYWAY part, except it seems like there are an awful lot of those…as in almost all of humanity. oh well…

  3. I quote 50 Cent: “Go ahead and switch the style up/if they hate then let ’em hate/and watch the money pileup.”

    I think this is the business model these teams with Ice Girls are following.

    Thanks for the love!

    Domi, it’s true. So many assholes everywhere. I am convinced I will one day find a stash of decent men. Then I will share them.

  4. It might be worth it to note, that in the “pure” Canadian markets, 50% of teams have some sort of ice girl. Both Ottawa, and Calgary have female ice crews. Vancouver does too, but they don’t wear skimpy outfits. It’s still ladies who know hockey cleaning up the ice. To me, a woman who knows the sport, can skate, and is willing to do ice maintenance for the thrill of being on the ice with professionals has all the respect and admiration I could ever offer.

    The Flames girls even wear leg warmers straight out of the 80’s. You introduce me to a girl who knows hockey, and pulls off leg warmers like Jennifer Beals, I’ll go buy a wedding ring today.

    Comedy aside, the fact remains that the ice needs to be swept three times per period, during the media timeouts. The female ice crews merely take a job that was traditionally done by grizzly old men in track jackets, and put it in the hands of younger, more attractive women in leggings and skirts. There’s no threat to the game, it’s just someone who will interact with the crowd rather than put their head down and speed through the motions. The ice girls smile, laugh and get a reaction from the audience. Kids like them, and the over all product on the ice doesn’t change.

    Oh, and from what I know of her, not only is WAC a babe, but she makes a killer Cherry Laimaid.

  5. And of course, when I Laimaid, I mean Limeaid.

  6. I would totally volunteer to clean the ice at a Sabres game. They have the best outfits ever, imo, except for the fact that they look like they’re wind breakers. Oh well. That would be awesome, though. :D

    I get offended when guys make sexist comments on the Internet, even if I’m not “FEMINISM YEAH~!”. It’s so unnecessary. We’re all humans, we all think in real life. Do it on the Internet, too.

    Howeverrrr, I could really care less about ice girls. The Sabres had them for like, one game in the past decade, and it was only for the Party in the Plaza events they had. They wore Sabre jerseys and threw t-shirts to the crowd, so they weren’t scantily-clad. \o\ /o/

  7. I want the Sabres windbrerakers too! Buffalo likes to objectify our old men and make them shovel ice. There you go.

  8. @wrap
    re:” I am convinced I will one day find a stash of decent men”.
    They exist and they come from the arctic, raised far away from the damning influence of most other boys.

  9. http://i37.tinypic.com/11bt47b.jpg **

    They were pretty little things, too. >_>

    **This was before the Sens had the Sabres number. >_>

  10. Time for me to get my parka then.

  11. /stands and applauds lenoc

  12. Well that was all well and good, but the real question remains unanswered: Can they swing dead octupi around their heads with one arm or not??

  13. @SLC,

    Yep, just as long as they do it off ice. So says the word of Gary.

  14. @wraparoundcurl & Q-girl: Some of us decent guys pick the asshole version of women to marry and have to learn the hard way. Hot and slutty is not the type to marry.

    Buffalo had “Ice Girls”?

  15. What an amazing article! This is actually the first article I’ve read supporting ice girls. You really hit the nail on the head!


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