OMFG NEWS ALERT: KINGS INVOLVED IN KIDDIE POR–Wait, what?

I nearly lost my lunch when I saw this headline on the L.A. Kings Web site. I thought “Kings Hope Kids Can Fill Holes” was the announcement of their bevy of teenage prospects’ participation in Vol. 36 of the estimable “Fill My Holes” DVD series. I know I suggested last summer that the NHL needed a scandal to spice things up, but this was beyond even my lurid imagination.

No, as it turns out, the article was just a halfhearted attempt to hype the Kings’ halfhearted rebuilding project (Now in Year 16 of 32!).

“It’s been a tough stretch for the Los Angeles Kings” might be the ultimate opening-line-understatement of all time. John Edwards has been going through a “tough stretch” the last week or so. The Kings have sucked more than Houston, and not just recently.

Did you know that the Kings had two of the top 13 picks in the 2008 draft (Drew Doughboy and some other kid)? Or that 2007 first-rounder Thomas Hickey is “now one year closer to helping at the NHL level”? Wow! Where can I order season tickets…for 2011-12?

The more I read, the more I was convinced that the Kings actually should have gone with the porn angle. Assistant GM Ron Hextall lauded prospect Trevor Lewis’ “pretty, well-rounded package.” And I guess it’s OK to say that Matt Moulson “loves doing the dirty work,” but did they really need to mention that he’s 8.5″ cut? I mean, I’m glad for him, but I don’t really see what that has to do with making the team out of training camp.

“Your 2008-09 L.A. Kings–Just a Bunch of Fresh Faced Muscle Boys.” Now there’s a slogan that will sell some tickets.

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6 Comments

  1. Maybe they should see if these guys want to switch over to hockey?

    http://deadspin.com/5035443/two-university-of-nebraska-wrestlers-featured-in-gay-photo-shoot-sans-tights

  2. Damn, I have to wait all day till I get home for NSFW gay wrestler pics? That just sucks.

  3. Kid Filling Holes….somewhere Chris Hansen’s ears perked up.

  4. somewhere Chris Hansen’s ears perked up. Needs more cookies and wine coolers

  5. And a kitchen with an island in the middle!

  6. I brought Wendy’s!


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