The 2008 Vincent Damphousse Award Winner: Jeff O’Neill

Every year around this time, you and your buddies gather and your local bar/pub/igloo (Canadians only) to conduct a fantasy draft.  Somewhere around 11 or 12, you’re left with a dilemma.  You could either roll the dice on a better player on a bad team (read: Nathan Horton, FLA), or a proven name who, well, did all of his proving on your Sega Genesis more than a decade ago.  This isn’t like fantasy baseball, where you may get lucky and get 180 innings out of an aging Mike Mussina or Randy Johnson.  This is hockey, damn it.  If you’re an old forward, you might as well buy a nice suit and start angling for plush assistant coaching positions with your current club.

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The New NHL.com: It’s Mission Impossible 2

I remembering seeing Mission: Impossible in the theater some 12 years ago.  (What else was I going to go see?  The Pallbearer?)  Looking back, I remember two main things about the flick.  First – it pushed the envelope action-wise, and left us with at least one iconic spy scene (you know, when Tom Cruise casts his Scientology magic to hover above a shiny kitchen floor.) 

Second – I have no idea what the fuck went on in this movie.

If you asked me to explain the plot of the movie now, in 2008, I could probably describe some visuals for you, name drop a few of the actors, and provide you with the most basic of information.  I would feel as if I did my job selling the movie to you, but both you and I know, I have no idea what the hell I’m talking about.  I’m still not sure if Jon Voight was a good guy or a bad guy.  (Based on my Varsity Blues bias, however, I’m going to assume bad guy.)

In essence, this is my opinion when it comes to the once and current NHL.com.  It seems like most of the basic things you’d want out of a league’s website are there, and you can get enough information to sound like you know what you’re talking about.  Other than that, it’s a backwards-logic, confusing implosion of hockey.

Good news, sports fans.  The NHL feels your pain, and has come out with a sequel.

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Season Previews: Washington Capitals

Ovie....Time?

Ovie....Time?

Another excruciatingly long summer is over. Actual hockey games are on the horizon. Because this is the 265th most widely read hockey blog on the internets, MYFO felt a deep obligation to our dozens of readers to prepare this series of previews telling you about every single team in the NHL. By “prepare” we mean, we found other people to write many of them for us. We were looking for people who (unlike us) might have an actual clue about these teams, but were also eager/willing/dumb/not self-respecting enough to work for free. Within those constraints, we think we did an admirable job.

Today’s preview of YOUR Washington Capitals is brought to you by frequent MYFO commenter and liveblog fan favorite Caps Red Army.

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Guess Who’s Forty-Three and Ready to Rock?

–ALARM RINGS–

Unnh. Training camp still sucks. But why on earth does my face hurt so much this morning. I’m sensing a presence i haven’t felt since…since… Continue reading

Bert Hall is a douche

While Avery – the league’s biggest agitator – has no reservations when it comes to getting under an opponent’s skin, his former roommate-turned boss has established a limit.

“Just one,” Hull explained to TSN. “(I said) as long as you don’t embarrass the organization, you can do, say or act any way you want.”

And does that include line-crossing trash talk?

“That’s just part of gamesmanship and his personality,” Hull explained. “You’d be surprised how many guys do things like that out there. Someone’s got to be the best and someone’s got to be the worst at everything.”

And what about getting a stick up in a goaltender’s face like he did last spring against Martin Brodeur? “(That’s not acceptable) to me because that’s not the way you play hockey,” Hull told Off the Record. “Why would you want to do that? Why don’t you want to get open and get a shot away? But that was before he was with me.”

Well, la-di-fucking-da, cock knocker. You must know all about winning….when your foot is in the crease!

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Season Preview: Chicago Blackhawks

The forgotten fourth formulation of the categorical imperative: commit to the Indian.

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Season Preview: New York Islanders

Another excruciatingly long summer is over. Actual hockey games are on the horizon. Because this is the 265th most widely read hockey blog on the internets, MYFO felt a deep obligation to our dozens of readers to prepare this series of previews telling you about every single team in the NHL. By “prepare” we mean, we found other people to write many of them for us. We were looking for people who (unlike us) might have an actual clue about these teams, but were also eager/willing enough to work for free. Within those constraints, we think we did an admirable job. 

Today, with your preview of the New York Islanders, Sir Hotbod Handsomeface, retired MYFO founding father and semi-frequent deadspin commenter who, if he could do it all over again, would have made his handle Due Diligence and Initial Purchase Agreement Drafts for a Reasonable Price.

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