Season Preview: Toronto Maple Leafs

Which one is CuJo?

Which one is CuJo?

Another excruciatingly long summer is (almost) over. Actual hockey games are on the horizon. Because this is the 265th most widely read hockey blog on the internets, MYFO felt a deep obligation to our dozens of readers to prepare this series of previews telling you about every single team in the NHL. By “prepare” we mean, we found other people to write many of them for us. We were looking for people who (unlike us) might have an actual clue about these teams, but were also eager/willing enough to work for free. Within those constraints, we think we did an admirable job.

Previewing YOUR Toronto Maple Leafs: Loser Domi from the Wonderful World of Loser Domi.
Howdy ho, folks. Loser Domi here with your 2008-2009 Season Preview of the Toronto Maple Leafs. I thought I’d do something a little different for this, so I re-wrote the classic Queen song “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Keep in mind that this can only be the third best “Bohemian Rhapsody” parody out there due to the existence of both the Zero Wing Rhapsody and the “Brohemian Rhapsody” With that in mind, enjoy!

Is this the season?

Is this it finally?

Who am I kidding, No escape from reality…

I cannot lie, Leafs fans will cry, you see

I’m just a Leafs fan, I need no sympathy

Because it’s “the Leafs suck!” “no, they blow!”

Cutting grass and golfing jokes

Any way the ref goes doesn’t really matter to me, to me

Sundin won’t wear the C

But just might if we find he finally makes up his mind

Stocked up on mid grade D-men

Will they self assemble just like Voltron?

Prob’leeee nooo-ooo-oot

Barring strange new miracles

The Leafs D-squad is mostly made of cardboard

Tape him up, trainer guy

Job security for the win

PK for shutting down

Keeps us asking all the time

“What the hell is with these lines?”

Lacking such a presence of big bodies

A boarding call is not a pillow fight

Maplllllle Lee-ee-eeafs,(any way the ref goes) driving me to drink

I won’t have a liver by the time you win the Cup!

(Awesome guitar solo. Go ahead and rock out, I’ll wait.) [RD Note: Thanks–air guitar time!]

I see a team of basement cleaners for the year

That’s OK! I don’t care! It gets better soon right?

Lose to Kings and Lightning, Stajan’s really fighting WHAA??

What the Hell? (What the Hell?)What the Hell? (What the Hell?) What the Hell is going on?

Is that CuJo? AT least he’s not Raycroft, and he was pretty cheap

At least it’s not Raycroft wearing the Maple Leaf, he’ll get another chance if he comes back for cheap

The Leafs suck, no they blow, your mom’s still a ho

Un’ca Cliff making such great trades (He did not!)

Un’ca Cliff making such great trades (He did not!)

Un’ca Cliff making such great trades (He did not!)

making such great trades (He did not!)

making such great trades (He did not!) ah,

No, no, no, no, no, no, no

Oh not again, not again! (not another easy goal)

The Maple Leafs just got shutout by Florida, Flor’da FLORIDA!!

(Commence head banging!)

Who’s the real owner here? Is there some evil plot?

“why should we have a good team when we can just suck?”

Bullllllshiiiit. Who would ever believe that ?

Just gotta get a flask, some reasons I drink booze right here

(more awesome solo skills)

Ooooooooooh oooooh Go Leafs, go Leafs

Nothing really matters, anyone can see

We’re tumbling for Tavares

Nothing really matters, go Leafs

Any way the ref goes…

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12 Comments

  1. based on these previews it’s really hard to say which one will suck more, leafs or devils… but since there is nothing that vodka couldn’t heal, does it even matter? maybe nothing matters… or maybe i need to stop listening that song

  2. Wow, we ladies are a depressing bunch. By the way, awesome work Loser Domi!

  3. That grinding noise you hear is Freddie Mercury rolling over in his grave

  4. Pam, we’re not depressing, just realistic!

  5. Wow. Nice job, LD. Very well done, indeed.

  6. Awesome preview LD.

  7. Wow Domi, wow. Hat tip and a bow to your awesome work.

  8. Great job Domi

  9. Haha. Awesome. Not for the Leafs, but awesome idea!

  10. Fuck. Ours is so gonna suck by comparison. Well done LD.

    “We’re tumbling for Tavares” should be the follow-up single, releaased some time in late March – early April

  11. People will be singing that for years to come.

  12. HF29; hey now you know how I am feeling about my preview…


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