Season Preview: New York Islanders

Another excruciatingly long summer is over. Actual hockey games are on the horizon. Because this is the 265th most widely read hockey blog on the internets, MYFO felt a deep obligation to our dozens of readers to prepare this series of previews telling you about every single team in the NHL. By “prepare” we mean, we found other people to write many of them for us. We were looking for people who (unlike us) might have an actual clue about these teams, but were also eager/willing enough to work for free. Within those constraints, we think we did an admirable job. 

Today, with your preview of the New York Islanders, Sir Hotbod Handsomeface, retired MYFO founding father and semi-frequent deadspin commenter who, if he could do it all over again, would have made his handle Due Diligence and Initial Purchase Agreement Drafts for a Reasonable Price.


Another season is upon us, so the fine men of MYFO – presumably after being turned down by every writer to have walked the hallowed aisles of the Blog Box – have asked me to give a season preview about the islanders.  For me, this was great news because I cannot stress how excited I am for the season, which starts tonight at 8pm.  I mean, who wouldn’t be, right?  The cast has a great mixture of young and old, big personalities and quiet keep-to-yourselfers, and best of all – they are in freakin’ Gabon people!  Probst thinks its Marcus’ game to lose, but I can easily see Charlie walking away with the million doll- what’s that?  Not those islanders?  I have to write about those guys?  Really?  Alright, I guess…
 
Sorry folks. If you want a mainstream media breakdown of last year and what to watch for this year, you should probably go over to tsn.ca.  If you’re looking for a thorough analysis of the lineup and off-season transactions, including the departures of my favorite Islander Miroslav Satan and Ruslan Fedotenko, among others, you won’t find it here, but you could try the always entertaining Puck Daddy.  You’re expecting an analysis of how the Islanders’ commitment to youth lead to the signing of Doug Weight (huh?) and the ouster of Ted Nolan?   Try again.  You’re not going to get an optimistic preview highlighting the great potential of young studs Kyle Okposo and 1st round draft pick Justin Bailey sprinkled with puppy dogs and rainbows, either.  I’d suggest checking out Islanders 360 and their Tampa Bay Rays comparison for something like that.  This also won’t be the place to assess Mike Comrie’s scoring prowess (but that info might be found here).  And if you’re just here to ogle some home-ice beef, well… you’ll have better luck over here.
 
Nope.  You’re not going to hear about any of that.  You’re reading MYFO, so I know what you love.  You love hockey, dickjokes and hockey dickjokes.  And you also like your season previews like you like your breakfast hot and fast (unless you’re having a bowl of Cheerios, but I digress).  As such, I will now give you Sir Hotbod Handsomeface’s Official 2008-09 New York Islanders Season Preview in 20 words or less:
 
With the first overall pick of the 2009 NHL Entry Draft, the New York Islanders select John Tavares.

Dude, it's spelled "O-T-T-A-W-A."

Yep.  That looks about right.

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5 Comments

  1. I’m sorry I’m not sorry.

  2. That was more depressing than my season preview!

  3. The Ranger preview has an Islander picture. The Islander preview has a Ranger picture.

  4. @ SirHoH – Cats are Dogs, Dogs are Cats. Crazy times at myfo.

  5. I was born in Syosset, so dig the Ice Girl link. I think when you look at the overall state of the franchise, from arena to front office, the only thing Fishsticks do well is select Ice Girls.

    Must be outsourced.


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