Season Preview: Chicago Blackhawks

The forgotten fourth formulation of the categorical imperative: commit to the Indian.

Important Information

1. Another team improved by spending money on free agents? GET OUT!!!

2. Before the Blackhawks traded Robert Lang to drop below the salary cap, their other option was to sign Theo Fleury to a one year, -$3 million deal. The Hawks still wouldn’t have earned back all the money they wasted on that drunk cokewhore.

3. Martin Havlat causes Amtrak crashes on the Lincoln line.

4. Chicagoans should have no problem pronouncing Dustin Byfuglien’s name, as the city has the second highest ethnically Polish population in the world. Which means more jokes for everyone!

5. Andrew Ladd was never on any teenage boy’s bedroom door during the 1970’s.

Possible MYFO Posts this Year

1. Hundreds of horny men propose to Patrick Kane’s sisters.

2. The Odd Couple, starring Nikolai Khabibulin and Cristobal Huet.

3. Bryan Bickell gets a mohawk and drives a taxi.

4. Akim Aliu murders Steve Downie. Wait, sorry, that will actually happen.

Prediction: YAHOOOOO!!! WE’RE GONNA WIN IT ALL!!! HERE COME THE HAWKS!!! YAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU DETROIT!!!!

Pops Xanax

Gahhhhhhhh… the Hawks will make the playoffs, either the 4th or 5th seed, and lose in the second round. And no one will golf in the offseason.

Song Exemplifying the Blackhawks 2008-2009 Season: Ride – “Vapour Trail”

I don’t care if I’ve already used this song in another post. Lots of swirling guitars create a strong yet gossamer atmosphere, resulting in beautiful, if not quite completely solid play.

And in 4 years, the Hawks will be an awful Britpop band.

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4 Comments

  1. Rask, this preview is like gossamer and one doesn’t dissect gossamer. Heh…hmmm.

  2. Wait so my post got the bad mspaint tag and this didn’t? Double standard.

  3. I get my own tag. If this is classic, my work’s as good as Delacroix.

  4. @ rask: Jeremy Roenick isn’t art.


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