Season Previews: Washington Capitals

Ovie....Time?

Ovie....Time?

Another excruciatingly long summer is over. Actual hockey games are on the horizon. Because this is the 265th most widely read hockey blog on the internets, MYFO felt a deep obligation to our dozens of readers to prepare this series of previews telling you about every single team in the NHL. By “prepare” we mean, we found other people to write many of them for us. We were looking for people who (unlike us) might have an actual clue about these teams, but were also eager/willing/dumb/not self-respecting enough to work for free. Within those constraints, we think we did an admirable job.

Today’s preview of YOUR Washington Capitals is brought to you by frequent MYFO commenter and liveblog fan favorite Caps Red Army.

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Canadian Press Moves Office to Wikkipeg

In my morning NHL story trolling, I came upon a minor note that the Phoenix Coyotes have added former Sens GM John Muckler to their executives’ box, as he has been anointed the senior adviser to the GM.  To my knowledge, having the role of Senior Advisor to the GM instead of actually being the GM has two perks.  First, you get to stand against the wall in personnel meetings cross-armed and simply nod your approval or disapproval on any potential transaction.  Secondly, you get to ramble on about how hard it was during the war without being told to shut up.  I’m telling you, being old has its perks.

Now I don’t know exactly old Mucks is, but that’s only because the Canadian Press article I pulled from TSN.ca didn’t exactly spell it out.  (I’m lazy.)  But the only reason the Canadian Press article I pulled from TSN.ca didn’t exactly spell it out is because Muckler’s Wikipedia page didn’t do the math for them.

(They’re lazier.)

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MYFO Open Letter Series: The One Where Weed Against Speed Goes America All Over the Wild’s Ass

As you may or may not have heard, the Wild and dickmuncher agent Ron Salcer are currently locked in a battle over the Wild’s attempts to sign Marian Gaborik to a long-term contract. Gabby will be an unrestricted free agent after this season so it is imperative that the Wild either sign him before the start of the season or be forced to deal with the day-to-day distractions that the “will they or won’t they trade him” situations always undoubtedly cause (I’m looking at you, Mats Sundin, you assclown).

Alternatively, the Wild could ship Gaborik’s goldbricking ass to some other team before the start of the season. I’m not saying it’s the best option, but it may come to that.

What it all boils down to is this: GET THE FUCKING THING DONE ALREADY!

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Season Preview: Calgary Flames

Another excruciatingly long summer is over. Actual hockey games are on the horizon. Because this is the 265th most widely read hockey blog on the internets, MYFO felt a deep obligation to our dozens of readers to prepare this series of previews telling you about every single team in the NHL. By “prepare” we mean, we found other people to write many of them for us. We were looking for people who (unlike us) might have an actual clue about these teams, but were also eager/willing/dumb/not self-respecting enough to work for free. Within those constraints, we think we did an admirable job.

Your preview of the Calgary Flames is brought to you by Leanne from Open Ice Hits. Enjoy.

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Uncle Ted Goes Hunting: Canadian Safari

Uncle Ted: My first (sort of) big-game hunt! How thrilling! After my first, successful foray into shooting down sports media people who shortchange me or my club, it’s time for something a little bigger, wouldn’t you say?

Boyd Gordon: Whatever you say, boss. But could you quit swinging that thing around? You’re making me a little nervous. Continue reading

When the Cats are Down, the Rats Run Town

Jacques Martin: Yes, Mr. Cohen, with the Bouwmeester situation handled, we’re well on our way back to relevancy in this league … well, er, sir, I think you’ll still need to, um, siphon some more money away from the horses … no, I don’t think it’ll be much ..

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NHL Network To Commemorate The Trade That Ruined The NHL

Twenty years ago this week, Wayne Gretzky was traded from the Edmonton Oilers to the Los Angeles Kings. The trade caused a noticeable seismic shift in the focal point of the League’s attention from our brothers and sisters in the Great White North and the more traditional hockey markets in the Northern United States and ushered in the NHL’s “Sun Belt” expansion.

Whether you choose to agree or disagree that the NHL’s expansion to the South has been good or bad for the overall health of the sport, and there are compelling arguments for both sides, one has to admit that the move to non-traditional markets has been a source of some of the League’s current problems (which I will not get into here – I’ll leave that to the experts – and for a look back at media reactions at the time of the trade, check out this article on sportsnet).

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