Joe Sakic’s Day Off

The Avalanche has been walking the tightrope of mediocrity for the better part of a month now. The fans and players need to look to a leader of men to break the slump. The only problem is Joe Sakic has been off the ice since the beginning of December. Sure, the official party line is a “sore groin”, but Joe Sakic is infallible, so that just can’t be true. No, after some investigating, I have discovered what he has been doing all this time: Having the best day off ever:

7:30AM: Alarm goes off. Sends it flying out window with perfect wrist shot.

7:31AM: Ya, that’s right, Joe Sakic sleeps with a hockey stick. A hockey stick and a minimum of 3 of the Deal or No Deal girls, but not #25, fros belong on dudes only, bitch.

9:00AM: Wakes up, bangs Deal or No Deal model, demands contents of her suitcase.

9:45AM: Has usual breakfast of croûtons in a bowl with milk (that little thing over the “u” is how you know its good for you), Arrogant Bastard Ale, and a side dish of raspberry jelly. Laughs at people who drink “fizzy yellow beer”.

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Finally, the Wait is Over

For years I have wondered what the world would be like if instead of Michelangelo’s David we had a 7 foot tall Bobby Orr in all his glory. Would there be peace in the Middle East if, instead of Rodin’s Thinker we could see Derek Sanderson, twig, berries, and all? One brave man took it upon himself to answer these questions in a brave experiment at the Deitch Museum in New York ending December 15th. Kurt Kauper proved once and for all that there is a reason there are no larger than life size portraits of past hockey greats. In fact, the world is a poorer place for his efforts.

Av’s Goalie Controversy Update

Theodore owns the Flames, Nobody else

Jose went out last night and played another great game against Calgary allowing only 3 2 goals with one saved by the whistle. Marek Svatos shoveled one in with four and change left to force OT and Ryan Smyth adding the game winner. This brings the mulleted one’s GAA versus the Flames to a very nice 1.18. That is all well and good until you look at the other two games he has played in against Chicago and St. Louis. Four goals apiece. My mastery of the maths tells me that his non Calgary GAA is 4.00. Perhaps the goalie race may not be as close as it appears.

Battle of the Biddies

The Jose-Paris Hilton relationship is long since busted and Jose has moved onto greener pastures and has since knocked up French hottie Stéphanie Cloutier on no fewer than two occasions. According to inside sources, however, Budaj is a different story. The day after his disastrous 4 goal in 18 minute start against Calgary and then watching his team win behind Theodore, the Slovak was on the prowl for a slumpbuster. Using Joe Fucking Sakic as his wingman, the downtrodden goalie scored a date with the clubhouse girl at the ritzy Cherry Hills Country Club, only to be denied the five hole while trying to score some afternoon delight.

The completely useless and arbitrary score stands at Budaj 57 – Jose 48

Forsberg Wants to Get Injured for a Contender

I was skimming through the Swedish papers this morning and in between reports of moose attacks and Volvo sales reports I found this little tidbit involving old friend Peter Forsberg:

Örnsköldsvik – Wik Peter Forsberg’s career in ze NHL unkertin, de süper star and vinner of ze prestigous Olympic Gold Metål held a press conference to diskus his future. Belöw föllöws an exzerp in ze öriginal English:

Budaj v Mullet Round One

I really hope this thing doesn’t last more than three rounds because if there is still a goalie controversy by the time the the World Series is over, the temporary blinders will be off of Denver and I’m going to have to hear about it from every goddamn sportswriter and anchor on the local news. I really don’t think I could handle that. And just to make matters worse the town is hopelessly biased as to their decision. On the one hand we have the devout Catholic who came out of nowhere to lead the team on an improbable run at the postseason at the end of last year and he’s a Simpsons fan. Then we have an overpaid, oft injured biologically engineered mullet  touting french-Canadian (the mullet, not the goalie), Paris Hilton canoodling douche with an ever changing pronunciation of his name, and expectations to be the next Patrick Roy that were never met. So I think the town might be pulling for one over the other, just a little bit.

Avs Roundtable

With the startup of MYFO, the legend of Baba grows. What does this mean in the blogging world you ask? There are no free tickets, open bars, or big tatumed groupies to take advantage of. No, we get the next best thing: Getting invited to round table discussions with bloggers from other similar, lesser blogs! The good folks at Mile High Hockey saw fit to include me in their little adventure and to host one of the questions. As an added bonus they made a spiffy little logo and everything. Look!

Pretty nice. So, to get down to the nitty gritty and see what exactly Avalanche Nation is pondering for this upcoming season hit the jump and if reading more than a few paragraphs at once hurts, just skip ahead to my answers, they are the only ones that matter anyway.

Let the Hazing Begin

After literally months of slacking, the MYFO crew has finally added to its numbers. We have fought through the dog days of summer together and the season is just around the corner, so its time we added some people to help keep the dream alive. We have all sorts of goodness in store for you this season, so to see who made the cut and is on board, hit the jump.