The Avalanche has been walking the tightrope of mediocrity for the better part of a month now. The fans and players need to look to a leader of men to break the slump. The only problem is Joe Sakic has been off the ice since the beginning of December. Sure, the official party line is a “sore groin”, but Joe Sakic is infallible, so that just can’t be true. No, after some investigating, I have discovered what he has been doing all this time: Having the best day off ever:
7:30AM: Alarm goes off. Sends it flying out window with perfect wrist shot.
7:31AM: Ya, that’s right, Joe Sakic sleeps with a hockey stick. A hockey stick and a minimum of 3 of the Deal or No Deal girls, but not #25, fros belong on dudes only, bitch.
9:00AM: Wakes up, bangs Deal or No Deal model, demands contents of her suitcase.
9:45AM: Has usual breakfast of croûtons in a bowl with milk (that little thing over the “u” is how you know its good for you), Arrogant Bastard Ale, and a side dish of raspberry jelly. Laughs at people who drink “fizzy yellow beer”.