The Panthers Trade For an Aviation Trainwreck

Waiting until the end of the news cycle yesterday, the Florida Panthers announced that they have traded defenseman Mike Van Ryn to Toronto for a 4th-round draft pick.  Oh, and some guy named Bryan McCabe.  Because the 4th round pick has yet to be selected, we were unable to obtain an interview with it.  McCabe, on the other hand, is slighty pissed about the cheap shots I’ve taken over the year, but is ready to reconcile.  We tailed him through the Toronto Airport as he made his way to visit his new club in Miami.

My notes, taken on a Cinnabon napkin, are after the jump.

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You Can’t Spell Steen without N-E-S

Using only the constraints of Nintendo Ice Hockey, I will now explain to you the soul-crushing downfall of the once mighty Toronto Maple Leafs.  Continue reading

Teenage Angstclub

As Rask so eloquently pointed out, there’s not a whole lot going on right now in Puck World.  And without any logical tie-ins to the Olympics or NFL Training Camp, ice hockey beat writers are struggling with their August doldrum “PAY ATTENTION TO ME” pieces.  But thanks to a bunch of pre-teens swinging metal bats somewhere in Pennsylvania, there’s still hope.

Ah, the Little League World Series.

For those not important enough to get a Beijing press pass or a unlimited expense account to visit suburban collegiate gridirons, they are left to cover a nationally-televised children with He Kexin-esque aging issues.  Hey, hockey writers!  You’re not doing anything!  See if you can find an NHL tie-in at the LLWS!

Ah, Chris Drury.

As a few some all of you know, New York Rangers forward Chris Drury had a LLWS ring (he promptly traded it to Billy for a Todd Van Poppel rookie card).  NHL.com has desperately interviewed Drury, learning such ground breaking insights like how he “remembers what a good time it was” and “it was exciting.”  Get that guy a Pulitzer. 

(Or a Todd Van Poppel rookie card.)

After the jump, we give you what Chris Drury really thinks about his diamond days, assuming he’s got a bit of Truth Serum Lager and Ale in him.

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Cashblowing: Send ‘Em to Nicaragua Edition

Face it, people – the summer months are difficult ones in which to be a sarcaustic hockey blog.  Good leads on stories are as infrequent as Derian Hatcher lighting the lamp/turning down an eclair.  In what may become a recurring feature out of necessity, Hextall454 takes a look at the finest product offerings the NHL Shop has to offer…and then promptly demands his money back.

Can’t say there’s a whole lot happening right now that makes me want to rush out to the NHL Shop and start burning through my hard-earned currency.  It’s not that I don’t see that you’ve signed Dan Fritsche to an entry-level deal, Colorado; he’s just not exactly at the top of my must-buy Avs jersey list.

Ok, you got me.  No such list exists.

And I don’t care what they’re saying about gas prices going back down, I’ve got to keep my wallet in check.  And besides, our guest room has been swallowed up by this monstrosity, so where would I put fresh NHL.com gear?  Hell, Madden came out today.  I’m broke.

But in case YOU, the loyal MYFO reader, would like to contribute towards Gary Bettman’s annual bonus, here are some curiously-low cost items, courtesy of your friends at Inventory Clearance Central. Continue reading

Oh My God – What Have We Done?

Every year, the Philadelphia Flyers spice up their rookie/prospect/Steve Downie camp with the Trial on the Isle – “an exciting training day as part of mini-camp for the Philadelphia Flyers prospects which included a run, kayak, and charity softball game.”  Hell yes.  If there’s anything that’s going to help take down Kid Jesus and his Disciples next June, it’s the fact that our organizations teenagers played charity softball eight months in advance. 

Anyway, the Flyers website has about eleventy billion photos comemmorating the event, which probably means some lowly intern had to complete the triathalon himself so as to document a bunch of guys in orange in their invasion of Avalon, New Jersey.  If not an intern, then maybe it was Jaroslav Modry looking for a job.  Oh, he signed?  Nevermind.  Fine, it was an intern.

So while this may seem like a publicity stunt crossbred with cardiovascular endurance training, we here at MYFO have come to a startling revelation.  If you might remember, two years ago the Flyers were awful.  Like Tomb of the Dragon Emperor awful.  As a reward for their sucktitude, they were granted a top 5 pick, which they spent on college boy James van Riemsdyk.

What a colossal mistake.

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MYFO Answers Other People’s Mail

For those of you who have unhealthy obsession with NHL.com, you may have stumbled across the fact that the league lists 11 players’ official webpages.  (We alluded to this last August.)  Nothing on these webpages are what you would call ground-breaking: (Rick Nash offers awesome downloads!)  And it appears that a certain savior of all hockeykind has some coding to do.  Slacker.  But the one webpage that seems to be firing on all cylinders is that of Carolina Hurricanes wing Justin Williams.

Williams has enjoyed a nice career so far, and is likely spending his off-season figuring out how to take Erik Cole’s spot on Staal’s line after being injured for much of 08, so we can’t expect him to respond to the tens of well, tens of guest book entries the JW faithful have left him this year.

After the jump, we take care of a little correspondence on Justin’s behalf as Justin.

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Cashblowing…with Scott Niedermayer?

Picture this scenario.

Last summer, you went to the beach.  Since beaches tend to be fantastic places to misplace your valuables in the sand, you left your wallet in the car and chose to pocket ten bucks in your board shorts.  Why, might you ask?  Because beaches also tend to be fantastic places for the sun to kick your ass.  And it’s only a matter of time before the ice cream truck comes to your rescue.  You sprint over the scorched sand, cash in hand, ready to feast on Water Ice colder than the Blues’ power play.

Only to find they’re fresh out of Water Ice.  Fuck.

Flash forward to this summer.  It’s time to go to the beach.  And you’ve just found last year’s ten bucks still in your shorts.  FREE MONEY.  How will you spend it?

This is the dilemma Scott Niedermayer currently faces.  Continue reading