Penthouse Forum’s Letter of the Month

Dear Penthouse Forum,

I know this is going to sound like a crazy fantasy but every word of this story is true.

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Hey Peter Forsberg, Why Don’t You Go Ahead And Go Back To Sweden? No One Here Wants You Around Anymore

Last night, Big Floppa received a double minor for high-sticking when he smashed his stick into Mikael Samuelsson’s grill, knocking out a tooth of the Detroit winger. Here’s the play.

Certainly not a terribly reckless act by Forsberg, but it was worthy of a penalty being called. The infuriating aspect is what Big Floppa said after the game regarding the incident.

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My Name Is Chris Pronger And I’m A Total Fucking Jagoff

Asshole

 Hi there. Chris Pronger here. I want to take the time that MYFO has afforded me and finally come clean: I’m a douchebag. A real bad seed. Men just don’t come much more despicable than me.

Whoo. Man, it feels great getting that off my chest. People think it’s so easy for me to go day in, day out and continue to behave the way I do; on the ice and otherwise. No one understands how hard it is dealing with the adulation that is undeservedly bestowed upon me. Sometimes it even makes me feel a little guilty. For some reason, everyone thinks I’m a nice, stand-up kind of guy. It tears me up inside just thinking about it.

Ha ha. Yeah, whatever. If you believe that’s how I actually feel, you are a goddamn chump. To be honest, I think everyone on God’s Green Earth besides me are a bunch of fucking saps. I’m the Golden Boy, suckers. Deal with it.

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Douche War: St. Louis at Buffalo

Johnson_Pominville

 God, I would like to thank you for ensuring that the SI’s Pop Culture Grid editor doesn’t have the athlete rolodex of Peters Gammons and King.  Because of their limited reach, their ability to trot out a feature of inane questions asked to middling athletes has once again included 2, yes 2! NHL players in this week’s edition.  So in the name of all Features Recurring, it’s time for…

This Week’s Douche-Off!!!

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Douche War: Dallas at Columbus

With your host, Dane Cook!

Thanks to Storming the Floor’s College Basketball Closer on Deadspin the other day, we learned a little more than we ever wanted to know about Stanford’s Brook Lopez. The source of this unfortunate news flash would be the good people of SI.com, whose weekly Pop Culture Grid give us insight into the personal preferences of the sports world’s BIGGEST STARS.

Or in this case, two college basketball players and a couple of NHL unknowns.

Who’s ready for a Douche-Off!?!?!

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Yep…Still Hate the Guy

NormGreen

Originally, my plan was to detail my reactions to the interview of Norm Green that was aired on a local news broadcast here in the Twin Cities yesterday. Unfortunately, the geniuses at KARE 11 threw a wrench in my plan when they elected to spread the interview over two newscasts: Tuesday night and Wednesday night. KARE 11, it appears, is willing to do anything during “Sweeps” to get ratings; even if it involves giving this dickmonger more air time.

Now I could go on and on about how much watching these two segments infuriated and troubled me. I was in high school at the time of the North Stars move, which I believe is the prime age for being a sports fan. When you are that age, being a fan is easy. You love your teams and that’s all there is to it. As we all know, as one gets older, it is so easy to become more jaded and cynical about the teams you choose to support. Shit, most of us can look at our dads and see what years of fandom can do to a person.

The point is (and I’m already getting long-winded here), when the North Stars left, it broke my heart, along with hearts of all the other North Stars fans Green obviously didn’t give two shits about.

After the jump, I will briefly discuss both of the segments that aired. I don’t think it will get too ugly.

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I Can’t Believe This Fuckstick Is Still Alive…

NormGreen

Tonight on KARE 11, the NBC affiliate in the Twin Cities, an interview with the greatly despised Norm Green will air on their 10:00 p.m. newscast. I cannot begin to tell you how much I am looking forward to this. As anyone who has read this site is well-aware of by now, my feelings of antipathy and loathing regarding this douchebag are well-documented. I am curious to see how he attempts to justify his actions all those years ago when he stole the North Stars away from all their loyal fans in Minnesota. Continue reading