If you’ve heard my voice, you know that I’m not intended to speak on TV or radio. “Scratchy” would be the best word to describe my voice. If I’d been born ten years earlier, I’d be rich because my post-grunge band would’ve sold ten million albums. I’m a mouth breather, something I didn’t know was socially unacceptable until a few years ago. Thanks for the clogged nasal passages, Mom. Finally, I have no rhythm or cadence. My thoughts move much faster than my vocal chords, so when I have a lot to say, I let out a few nonsensical syllables. Luckily, I have no plans to enter the broadcast booth.