Osteoporosis is a Fickle Bitch

DETROIT — Red Wings defenseman Chris Chelios will be sidelined three to six weeks with a fractured shin bone.  The team says Chelios was injured while blocking a slap shot during the third period of Tuesday night’s 2-1 preseason loss to Montreal. On Wednesday, he was maneuvering around Joe Louis Arena on crutches.  According to the Detroit News, the shot hit his right leg, below the knee.

Also according to the Detroit News, Chelios hates everything but Matlock.  Ooh!  It’s on now!

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Panic! at the Coffee House

While the Philadelphia Flyers are no doubt firmly entrenched in strategy meetings are lacing up for their morning skate, two of their star acquisitions are notably missing from the locker room.  The first would be their number one blue liner, Kimmo Timonen, who has been ruled out of the Pittsburgh series because of a blood clot on his ankle.  The other MIA?  We join him at a dark coffee house with his guitar, the Fretmonster.

 Ok, who are we kidding?  He’s at a damn Starbucks.

Holy shit.

According to ESPN, Sean Avery was taken to the hospital unconscious and in cardiac arrest with a lacerated spleen this morning at approximately 3 AM.

We had a Rangers haterade post set to go this afternoon, but we’ll be pushing that back until we get word on Avery’s condition. Updates as we get them.

**12:25 PM EDT Update: Per the Rangers, Avery has regained consciousness and is expected to make a full recovery, but will not play again in the playoffs this year.

**12:33 PM EDT Update: Newsday is calling it a ruptured spleen and contradicting the cardiac arrest reports. The Rangers confirm to Newsday that it was a lacerated spleen.

**12:37 PM EDT Update: The Toronto Sun reports that they spoke with Avery’s mother, who confirmed a lacerated spleen, but it had not ruptured. She also says it happened sometime in the first period, and Avery played with pain through the rest of the game.

**12:41 PM EDT Update: The Rangers confirm that it is a lacerated spleen and he’s done for the year.

**12:50 PM EDT Update: Okay, he’s alive, reasonably well, and will be back next year. Thanks for bearing with us while we treated this like the Normandy Invasion. Bottom line is, this guy went through the better part of a full game with a lacerated spleen. Suck on THAT, Hockey Jesus.

The regularly scheduled Rangers haterade will commence this afternoon.

Other Rule Changes Can Wait: No-Touch Icing Needs To Be Adopted By The NHL

Pretty ugly, wouldn’t you say? The worst part of it all is it could have been so easily avoided – if the NHL would just go to no-touch icing.

If Rick DiPietro Had My Job

As I mentioned in my intro upon joining the MYFO team, I’ve got a job that allows me to read the maximum number of sports blogs while computing the minimum amount of ROI calculations over any given day.  Don’t get me wrong, I get my work done, but I’ve maximized it in such a way that allows me to keep busy with the on-goings of underground, and that includes laughing at the misfortunes of one Vesa Toskala.

What if Hockey Players had normal jobs?  They couldn’t rely on their speed, strength, and unpronounceable French Canadian and Czech names for a paycheck.  Now the last thing I want to be is an NHL goalie, using my face as a puckblocker.  But I have to wonder…

What if Islanders goalie Rick DiPietro had my job?

Colorado is full of old people

We made a few jokes about the Colorado Rockies getting the band back together at the trading deadline, bringing back Foote and Forsberg just as Sakic was coming back. Patrick Roy is still available, by the way.

Unfortunately, the Rockies management didn’t think things through. Shuffleboard and cribbage is fine for the old folks, but hockey’s a bit more demanding.

Easter Came Early This Year

After the Sabbath, at dawn on the second day of the week, Ty Conklin and the other Tyler went to look in the trainer’s room. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Sid came down from heaven and, going to the training room, rolled back the table and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The trainers were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.

The angel said to the players, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Hockey Jesus, who was afflicted. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen and is going ahead of you into Tampa. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you.”

So the players hurried away from the trainer’s room, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Hockey Jesus met them. “Greetings,” he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. Then Hockey Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Tampa; there they will see me.”

Wow. Big news and a truly blessed event.

Ryan Smyth, how do you feel about it?