R.I.P., George Carlin

We at MYFO would be remiss if we didn’t take a moment to mention the untimely passing of George Carlin on Sunday at the age of 71. Carlin, one of the most gifted and brilliant comedians to ever hold a microphone,  was so much more than a comedian – he was a social commentator that had the innate ability to reveal all the hypocrisy, folly and hilarity that pervaded the Human Condition. Carlin saw the world from a unique view that was all his own and we are all the better for it. I am reminded of one of his legendary bits regarding sports where he dicusses hockey: 

Hockey comes to mind. People think hockey is a sport. It’s not. Hockey is three activities taking place at the same time: ice skating, fooling around with a puck, and beating the shit out of somebody. If these guys had more brains then teeth, they’d do these things one at a time. First go ice-skating, then fool around with a puck, then you go to the bar and beat the shit out of somebody. The day would last longer, and these guys would have a lot more fun. Another reason why hockey isn’t a sport is that it’s not played with a ball. Anything not played with a ball can’t be a sport. These are my rules, I make ’em up.

You most certainly did make up your own rules, sir. Thank you. You will be missed. 

MYFO Undercover: Is Manny Legace Dead?

For those of you who are new here, you should know that we here at Melt Your Face-Off have a crack undercover staff. We have infiltrated NHL Headquarters, tagged along on Boston golf courses, stolen Daniel Breeririererere’s diary, and found out exactly how Dan Boyle hurt himself. Last night, I received from our deep-throating informant, who dropped this bombshell: Manny Legace claims to be dead. After the jump, follow along in the transcript of a phone conversation between Legace and Blues team president John Davidson.

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And Now For Something Completely Different…

R.I.P. Bill Wirtz

Everyone is already well aware that Chicago Blackhawks owner Bill Wirtz has died, passing away earlier today after a bout with cancer. As my comrade Raskolnikov put it so well in his post directly preceding to this one,  we here at MYFO offer our condolences to the Wirtz family and do not wish death on anyone.

With that said, fair or not, life does in fact go on. In the spirit of getting on with our lives and moving forward, I thought I would take this time to inform everyone that a movie studio has already optioned the rights to do a remake of a controversial ’70’s horror flick in honor of Mr. Wirtz’s passing (Rob Zombie is rumored to be in talks to take the helm as director – yippee!).  This must have been in development for some time as the promotional movie poster has already been leaked on these here internets:

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The Phantom of the United Center

wirtz.jpg

 

 

The Eulogy

 

Bill Wirtz did not exist as a human being to me. I saw his smug grin plastered on anything related to the Blackhawks, but I never knew his opinions. He rarely made public appearances or commented on the sorry state of his hockey team. Business decisions were firmly rooted in the twentieth century. For all I know, he could have died twenty years ago. As the home attendance figures dwindled and apathy increased, that face still smiled confidently, reassuring the pigs that the Battle of the Windmill was a great success. Wirtz became the Blackhawks symbol in place of the Indianhead.

The Aftermath

From a pragmatic standpoint, he will remain the face of the franchise. Bob Pulford, as the Senior Vice President, seems likely to become the interim president. Pully embodies the same principles that Wirtz did, as he has been part of the franchise for 30 years. Peter Wirtz, the heir to the throne, is a mystery. Will he help the Blackhawks evolve into a modern franchise? Will he realize that blacking out home games has a positive correlation to the fan’s lack of interest? Unless the answer to both questions is yes, I see no longterm benefits to Chicago Blackhawks fans.

 

My condolences go out to the Wirtz family. Even though I have an inappropriately named blog, I never wish death on anyone. For God’s sake, my season previews are “written” by animals that belong to my brother.

Update: For a perspective from someone who was one of Wirtz’s greatest critics, please read Steve Rosenbloom’s piece.

R.I.P. John Ferguson

John Ferguson died today of cancer.

This is a sad thing. He always seemed like a nice guy when I would listen to him being interviewed on the radio. Articulate, friendly, genuine – everything you would expect from a hockey guy.

That said, at least the Maple Leafs are finally free from him. After all, he committed to building from within, then traded 6 of our last 8 picks in the top two rounds of the entry draft. He traded arguably the #1 goalie prospect in hockey, Tuukka Rask, to the Bruins for a guy who had gone from rookie of the year to third stringer in about 18 months, then gave him a three year extension for $2 million plus before he played a single game for the Leafs. Then, after he was terrible, he traded his #1, #2 and #4 picks in the draft to San Jose for Vesa Toskala, who has played well in limited time for the Sharks but has never played 40 games in a single season. Naturally, a year away from free agency, Toskala was also awarded a two year extension for $4 million per. Throw in trades for guys like Yanic Perreault and spending huge dollars on guys like Pavel Kubina (decent player for $5 million), Jason Blake (5 years at $4 million for a one-year wonder) and giving Bryan McCabe a no-movement clause, and it’s a wonder this guy had survived as GM of the Leafs.

Say what? His father?

Oh, shit.

So he’s still the General Manager?

You don’t say.

Shit.