Howie: Welcome back to Deal or No Deal, I’m Howie Mandel. Our new contestant is a professional hockey player for the Toronto Maple Leafs. Audience, let’s welcome our newest contestant, MATS SUNDIN!
Audience: (wildly enthusiastic for no damn reason) WHOO!!!!
Mats: Great to be here, Howie (fist bump). Why am I here again? I already make millions playing professional hockey in a town that loves me and the sport that I play.
Howie: Excellent point, Mats. You see, we here at Deal or No Deal received a call from the new GM of your team, Cliff Fletcher, who has a bit of a quandary on his hands. Your team, the Leafs, are at the bottom of the Eastern Conference. You are a highly-valued asset that could help a team in playoff contention win the Stanley Cup. Yet, you refuse to go anywhere, therefore continuing your career without a championship and leaving the Leafs devoid of future prospects and draft picks to rebuild a once-great franchise. That brings us here.
Mats: So what?
Howie: Each of our 26 beautiful ladies is holding a case. The cases they hold contain the names of 26 NHL franchises –
Mats: Um, there are 30 teams.
Howie: Yes, we know. Fletcher insisted on leaving out your division rivals. Like I was saying, your job is to select a case. That case will be yours, unless you cut a deal with our banker, Gary Bettman. If you choose to keep this case throughout, you will end up with that team.
Mats: Which case has Toronto?
Howie: I can’t tell you that.
Mats: Fine. I pick number 13, for obvious reasons.
Howie: Because it’s your jersey number?
Mats: No, because of that leggy blonde holding the case with my number. Come to Grandmaster Mats, baby.
Howie: Sigh. I hate tie-in shows. Mats Sundin, it’s time to play DEAL OR NO DEAL.