The Panthers Trade For an Aviation Trainwreck

Waiting until the end of the news cycle yesterday, the Florida Panthers announced that they have traded defenseman Mike Van Ryn to Toronto for a 4th-round draft pick.  Oh, and some guy named Bryan McCabe.  Because the 4th round pick has yet to be selected, we were unable to obtain an interview with it.  McCabe, on the other hand, is slighty pissed about the cheap shots I’ve taken over the year, but is ready to reconcile.  We tailed him through the Toronto Airport as he made his way to visit his new club in Miami.

My notes, taken on a Cinnabon napkin, are after the jump.

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The Marian Hossa Trade Has Been An Abject Failure For The Penguins

Marian_Hossa

Since acquiring Marian Hossa from the Atlanta Thrashers in a trade on February 26th, the Penguins have won a mere three out of six games. According to my in-depth statistical analysis, that means they have only won 50% of their games and that is not very good. If the point of securing Hossa’s services was to win more games than they lose, I think everyone will agree with me that Marian Hossa has been an utter disappointment for Pittsburgh. The fact that Hossa is merely a rental player for the season only makes the trade appear even worse.

However, there is one bright spot in the mess the Penguins have created for themselves: the stellar play of Pascal Dupuis – the gritty and hard-nosed Canuckistanian winger that was considered an afterthought in the dealings between the Penguins and the Thrashers.

Do you think I’m crazy? That I’m some sort of deranged lunatic? While those accusations may be true, they have nothing to do with my assessment. Let’s go in for a deeper look. Continue reading

It Seems That Even Wild Fans Have Some Standards

Wild at HeartSince my colleague Weed is still working mightily to restrain himself from writing about the Wild to earn some handy cash, I’m picking up the torch today. The Wild’s big trade deadline move came in the form of Chris Simon. Yes, the same Chris Simon who received the longest suspension in NHL history earlier this year. The same Simon who many people believe shouldn’t be allowed to put on an NHL sweater ever again after having been suspended seven times, for everything from attempted murder to racial slurs.

Wild fandom is, apparently, underwhelmed. As Nick in New York put it over at Hitting the Post, “some Wild fans are a little tweaked about this.” Like commenter Kirsten, who proclaimed herself “ready to choke a bitch” over the acquisition. Over at her own Land of Lakes and Hockey, Kirsten prays to Baby Hockey Jesus to “make Chris Simon go away.” (Perhaps Sidney will send St. Georges to slay this particular dragon.)

My question to Wild fans: since when have you had standards? Continue reading

Trade Deadline Passes; Boston Hit the Snooze Bar

ClockBOSTON (MYFO) – On a day where over 25 deals were struck in efforts to make the playoffs or build for the future, one NHL team remained quiet all day long.  The Boston Bruins, currently hanging on to the 6th position in the Eastern Conference, kept the roster intact as the 3 PM zero hour came and went.

“We overslept.  It’s awful, right?  What a dagger.  I swear, it’s like my alarm clock didn’t even go off.  Needless to say, we’re all pretty disappointed that technology has failed us,” stated General Manager Peter Chiarelli.

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Do You Know What Bugs Me About the Trading Deadline? Pretty Much Everything

Trade Deadline

So the dust is starting to settle and another NHL trading deadline has come and gone. Woo-fucking-hoo. Sorry for the lack of enthusiasm, but other than a few “headliner” trades, in particular as time was running out (most notably, Campbell to San Jose; Huet, Fedorov and Cooke going to the Caps; Richards to the Stars and Hossa – all praise Hockey Jesus – ending up with the Penguins), this season’s NHL deadline passed by with scarcely a whimper.

The end result is most fans are left unfulfilled with a wicked case of blue balls. Metaphorical blue balls – I hope.

(And if you have been coming to MYFO all day for up-to-the-minute updates regarding trades, well, how should I put it – you shouldn’t have – in case you haven’t noticed, we here at MYFO specialize in sarcasm, satire and inventing new compound words that begin with dick or cock).

Which brings me to my point: trading deadlines, not only those  in the NHL but in the NBA and MLB as well, just end up being an utter waste of time and energy. And odds are they irritate me for the same reasons they bother everyone else.  Continue reading

Cancel the U-Haul Reservation, Honey

Sillinger

What do the following guys have in common?

Jason York.  Stu Grimson.  Mark Ferner.  Magnus Nilsson.  Roman Oksuita.  Chris Gratton.  Mikael Renberg.  Daymon Langkow.  Ryan Johnson.  Dwayne Hay.  Johan Fransson.  Darryl Sydor.  Teppo Numminen.  Brent Johnson.  Tim Shishkanov.  Oh, and a truckload of ” future considerations.”

They’ve all had their lives altered by the trading juggernaut that is Mike Sillinger.

Back in November, I wrote about Mike Sillinger’s continued existence as a hockey player in the NHL when he played in his 1,000th game.  That puts him in rarified company with the likes of Mike Modano and Nicklas Lidstrom.  Of course, it warrants mentioning that while Lidstrom is a rock in Detroit and Modano is a Star for Life, Sillinger’s become synonymous with the greater Philly-Tampa-Columbus-St.Louis-Vancouver-Long Island-Nashville-Ottawa-Phoenix-Detroit-Anaheim-Florida tri-state region.  In order to work on his jersey collection, the above list of players had to uproot their families and move to various locales, most often in expansion cities, just so Sillinger could complete his rec room décor. 

Selfish jerk.

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Focusing the Haterade: Scott Burnside

We try to be fair in spreading the hate around here. We hate because we love. Except Gary Bettman. He sucks.

But Scott Burnside? For the second time today, MYFO says Go fuck yourself.

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