Season Previews: Washington Capitals

Ovie....Time?

Ovie....Time?

Another excruciatingly long summer is over. Actual hockey games are on the horizon. Because this is the 265th most widely read hockey blog on the internets, MYFO felt a deep obligation to our dozens of readers to prepare this series of previews telling you about every single team in the NHL. By “prepare” we mean, we found other people to write many of them for us. We were looking for people who (unlike us) might have an actual clue about these teams, but were also eager/willing/dumb/not self-respecting enough to work for free. Within those constraints, we think we did an admirable job.

Today’s preview of YOUR Washington Capitals is brought to you by frequent MYFO commenter and liveblog fan favorite Caps Red Army.

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I’Z LATE FOR AN IMPORTANT DATE

BZZZZZZZZZZ!!! BZZZZZZZZZZ!!! BZZZZZZZZZZ!!! BZZZZZZZZZZ!!!

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We’ve Got Love

GREENY RESIGNED? YAAAAAYY!!!

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Bring on Angola!

Apparently, if you can arrange so that your biggest draws in your league can advance to your Finals, even 4-letter Connecticuttian media hegemons will take notice.

Special to ESPN.com (meaning ESPN.com thinks he’s retarded), Damien Cox penned an article the other night that likens everyone’s favorite hockey savior to our version of Larry Bird.  And since every doofy comparison requires a Magic, it appears that our friend OVIE TIME has won the right to play the Laker on ice.  Bird and Magic = Crosby and Ovechkin?  Sigh.  Damien Cox, if you wanted to create an obtuse analogy, you would have done the following.

MYFO Presents: The 2008 NHL Dream Team (now, with less Laettner!) Continue reading

See You On The Fairway: Washington Edition

Not every team in the playoffs gets to hoist the Stanley Cup. Try as they may, 29 teams will end their hockey-related obligations without lifting the Holy Grail of Hockey. We here at MYFO encourage you to erase their substandard play from your collective memory, and join us in wishing them good luck on the golf course.

Next up, Weed Against Speed attempts to soothe the hurt feelings of every person that was praying for a Crosby/Ovechkin playoff matchup down the line. So pop in the Quest for Fire DVD, marvel at Rae Dawn Chong as a cavewoman and sharpen your crude stone weaponry – because we’re going prehistoric, Unfrozen Caveman Hockey Player-style.

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ESPN’s Awesome NHL Coverage Of The Week

From ESPN’s blurb about Dion Phaneuf being a finalist for the Norris Trophy:

” The 23-year-old Phaneuf, who finished third behind the Pittsburgh PenguinsSidney Crosby and the Washington CapitalsAlexander Ovechkin in Calder Trophy voting for the league’s top rookie last season, led Flames defensemen with 60 points (17 goals, 43 assists).

Information from The Associated Press was used in this report. “

I wonder if the Associated Press gave them the information that Crosby and Ovechkin were rookies two years ago, not last season? Or that Ovechkin actually won the award, not Crosby, as that sentence implies?

I realize that ESPN.com is publishing literally several NHL stories a day, but this one’s been up there for more than 24 hours and they still haven’t corrected it. If there’s a mistake in an NFL article, someone would spot it in three seconds, fire whomever wrote it immediately (even if it were Clayton or Pasquerelli), and use that “Featured Comment” spot on the ESPN homepage to beg for forgiveness instead of posting rverzcurze18’s handy quote, “the cubs do look good but its early”.

Conklin Handles the Puck Better

Hey, Lassie!  Let’s play game!  I’ll be Tom Kostophiphoponpopoulos, youz be female!

Steals puck

Down!

Martin Biron doesn’t move.
Go down!
Martin Biron doesn’t move.
Hmm, maybe he no understand my words.  Abra Capocus?  Newport News?  No, those incantayshuns not work.
Pull a Cote!
Biron goes down.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!
Shoots and scores.
Go cryz in your diarya, Briere!