Season Preview: Pittsburgh Penguins

Another excruciatingly long summer is over. Actual hockey games are on the horizon. Because this is the 265th most widely read hockey blog on the internets, MYFO felt a deep obligation to our dozens of readers to prepare this series of previews telling you about every single team in the NHL. By “prepare” we mean, we found other people to write many of them for us. We were looking for people who (unlike us) might have an actual clue about these teams, but were also eager/willing/dumb/not self-respecting enough to work for free. Within those constraints, we think we did an admirable job.

Today’s preview of┬áDan Hopper,┬áContributor to MYFO and Associate Editor of Best Week Ever.

Coping With Cup Finals Grief

For the sake of perfectly applicable argument, let’s say you randomly find yourself fighting in the death tournament from the game Mortal Kombat, and after easily beating down an alcoholic one-legged Canadian man, you end up squaring off against the guy at your job who you’ve always openly hated ever since he got promoted over you even though he’s asinine and incompetent and stole your girlfriend, and you end up ripping his head off, spinal cord still attached. Then in the next round, you face the kid who bullied you from Kindergarten all the way through your senior year of college before marrying and knocking up the prom queen you’ve always had a crush on, and you beat the crap out of him too, then turn into a dragon and bite him in half. Then in the Finals, you lose to the Detroit Red Wings. Who are, I don’t know, Johnny Cage.

Honestly – would you NOT consider that tournament a success?

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A Look Ahead Into Marc-Andre Fleury’s Contract Negotiations This Summer, Part II: The Counteroffer

Fleury 2008

Fleury’s Agent and Ray Shero sit through the entire tape of Pens/Wings Game 5.

FLEURY’S AGENT: Or, how about 25 years, $1 trillion?

RAY SHERO: …Deal.

A Look Ahead Into Marc-Andre Fleury’s Contract Negotiations This Summer

Fleury

FLEURY’S AGENT: I believe my client has demonstrated time and time again that, at the young age of 23, he is already an elite NHL talent capable of backstopping a team deep into the playoffs. He’s followed up his 40-win ’06-’07 regular season with a dominating 2008 playoff performance, winning 12 of his first 14 starts and posting a sub-2.00 Goals Against Average and a 94% Save Percentage en route to a Cup Finals berth. Therefore, my client is seeking nothing less than legitimate, top-notch goaltender money in the vicinity of $6-$7 million per year over the next five seasons.

Ray Shero pauses. He pulls out a remote control, hits a button, and a video screen drops down from the ceiling. The following clip plays:

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You, Me and Marc-Andre Fleury

It was a tough holiday weekend for the Penguins and goaltender Marc-Andre Fleury. Two games in Detroit, zero goals, and halfway to having to answer stupid questions from reporters about where it all went wrong, what happened to all the momentum. But hey, it’s tough all over, and nobody is crying for Hockey Jesus and his demoralized band of disciples. Least of all me. Continue reading