MYFO Open Letter Series: The One Where Weed Against Speed Goes America All Over the Wild’s Ass

As you may or may not have heard, the Wild and dickmuncher agent Ron Salcer are currently locked in a battle over the Wild’s attempts to sign Marian Gaborik to a long-term contract. Gabby will be an unrestricted free agent after this season so it is imperative that the Wild either sign him before the start of the season or be forced to deal with the day-to-day distractions that the “will they or won’t they trade him” situations always undoubtedly cause (I’m looking at you, Mats Sundin, you assclown).

Alternatively, the Wild could ship Gaborik’s goldbricking ass to some other team before the start of the season. I’m not saying it’s the best option, but it may come to that.

What it all boils down to is this: GET THE FUCKING THING DONE ALREADY!

Continue reading

Advertisements

Some Blogger Guy From “The Hockey News” Has All The Answers

 

Mike Brophy, blogger extraordinaire for The Hockey News, took it upon himself in a post published on August 4th to be one of the few people the only person in the friggin’ world to try and attempt the impossible task of defending Gary Bettman. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have casually read Brophy’s work from time to time and usually his work his more than competent. That is what makes this post all the more puzzling.

Continue reading

MYFO Open Letter Series: Sean Avery gets the Sean Avery Treatment

Yanno, I’m a pretty patient guy. I bide my time. I wait my turn. I give people plenty of room on the interstate when they decide to cut me off.

Which is why when I spent months building Sean Avery into hockey’s badass every chance I could (and I beat that motherfucking horse to death over and over), I didn’t fly off the handle when he decided to intern at Vogue this summer. Hell, I didn’t even do a post on it. But some things, even I cannot stand.

Continue reading

MYFO’s Open Letter Series: In Which LeNoceur Defends the Honor of Ice Girls Everywhere

Dear uptight bloggers and Internet commenters who start insulting Ice Girls all willy-nilly:

You’ve hurt me, more than words can say. If you’re going to dis Ice Girls, fine, just do it in an orderly fashion, thank you very much. Righteous anger, like one’s concentration during cunnilingus, should be tightly focused. It does no one any good to just start slopping your tongue all over the place.

Ice Girls, especially, don’t deserve this treatment. Ice Girls represent, if not the pinnacle, at least a lofty crag on the mountain of hockey enjoyment. Let me explain: I like sports. I like ladies. These are sportsladies! Hooray! They have my whole-hearted support. But not everyone is such a fan. Continue reading

If the NHL Awards Show Aired But No One Knew It Was On, Did It Really Even Happen?

Even though it seems like the NHL doesn’t want you to know, the Awards Show is in fact taking place Thursday night in Toronto. Oh sure, it’s airing on Versus at 7:00 in the States (and on CBC for our brothers and sisters in Canuckistan), but did you know that? Why aren’t they promoting an event like this more? I could find nary a mention that it actually is going to be broadcast on either Versus or NHL.com’s web sites. This is all nhl.com had to offer – and it doesn’t even mention when it will be on. An event like this is showbiz, baby, and needs to be treated as such. Shit, I have been involved in Bowling League Banquets that were better publicized.

Continue reading

Hey Peter Forsberg, Why Don’t You Go Ahead And Go Back To Sweden? No One Here Wants You Around Anymore

Last night, Big Floppa received a double minor for high-sticking when he smashed his stick into Mikael Samuelsson’s grill, knocking out a tooth of the Detroit winger. Here’s the play.

Certainly not a terribly reckless act by Forsberg, but it was worthy of a penalty being called. The infuriating aspect is what Big Floppa said after the game regarding the incident.

Continue reading

The NHL Employs Only the Best and Brightest

Of course, everyone reading this already knows that if you miss some playoff action, the best place to go in the morning to get informed is the NHL Closer on Deadspin, written by yours trulies. Pity the poor ignorant saps out there who get their playoff coverage from NHL.com. They are treated to gems like this recap of Game 1 of the Rangers/Penguins series.

“Putting Pucks on Net Pays Off.” That pretty much sums it up, doesn’t it? Subsequent recaps to include titles such as “Allowing Many Goals Not Advisable” and “Committing Penalties Leaves Team a Man Short.” I know, it’s only a stupid recap on NHL.com, and only a moron would get their hockey coverage from such a suspect source in the first place. But morons are people, too. And they’re not going to get any smarterer if people keep talking down to them.