OMFG NEWS ALERT: KINGS INVOLVED IN KIDDIE POR–Wait, what?

I nearly lost my lunch when I saw this headline on the L.A. Kings Web site. I thought “Kings Hope Kids Can Fill Holes” was the announcement of their bevy of teenage prospects’ participation in Vol. 36 of the estimable “Fill My Holes” DVD series. I know I suggested last summer that the NHL needed a scandal to spice things up, but this was beyond even my lurid imagination.

No, as it turns out, the article was just a halfhearted attempt to hype the Kings’ halfhearted rebuilding project (Now in Year 16 of 32!). Continue reading

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MYFO’s Open Letter Series: In Which LeNoceur Defends the Honor of Ice Girls Everywhere

Dear uptight bloggers and Internet commenters who start insulting Ice Girls all willy-nilly:

You’ve hurt me, more than words can say. If you’re going to dis Ice Girls, fine, just do it in an orderly fashion, thank you very much. Righteous anger, like one’s concentration during cunnilingus, should be tightly focused. It does no one any good to just start slopping your tongue all over the place.

Ice Girls, especially, don’t deserve this treatment. Ice Girls represent, if not the pinnacle, at least a lofty crag on the mountain of hockey enjoyment. Let me explain: I like sports. I like ladies. These are sportsladies! Hooray! They have my whole-hearted support. But not everyone is such a fan. Continue reading

Discussion Materials Regarding Sexual Favors of Melt Your Face Off

These discussion materials are posted for hot bitches to use in considering various erotic endeavors to perform on the editors of Melt Your Face Off (“MYFO”). In all cases, interested women should not conduct their own investigation, as everything this paper presents is truer than the pope defecating on an altar boy who is peeing on the Koran.

Continue reading