Caption Contest: Martin Skoula, Amateur Optometrist

Hey Josh, I think you have something in your eye.

Hello kids. I have decided to open up the comments section to a good old fashioned Caption Contest. It’s like making fun of retards, without the guilt and feelings of supremacy.

Please join us in the comments section and show why MYFO readers are the most funny, perverse and “special” (in a good way) people on these here internets. So go ahead and let us know what would be the most fitting caption for the above photo. Winner gets their choice of any MYFO product from our store on Zazzle. Most imporantly, be the third person in the world to don MYFO gear! (Other than me and LeNoc’s grandma – that cooky lady)

Submissions will be accepted through Friday, October 10th.

Be nice. Although, we encourage you to make jokes along the lines of “buk-hockey?”, any acceptable attempt at humor will become the intellectual property of MYFO and we will use it accordingly and make millions of dollars off of it while you sit there eating Smack Ramen. Sucks to be you.

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Release the Hounds, er ThunderBug!

RD is in love.

RD is in love.

Hey everyone, it’s that time again!  No, not to “Remember the Alamo” or perform one of our cute skits.  The season’s starting tomorrow in Prague, which is slightly less dangerous than Bratislava.  I wanted cover the game in person, but with rising Xanax and bourbon costs, the only way I’m crossing the Atlantic is by millions of seagulls.  And I don’t see any giant peaches, do you?  So, I offer this public service announcement.

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Osteoporosis is a Fickle Bitch

DETROIT — Red Wings defenseman Chris Chelios will be sidelined three to six weeks with a fractured shin bone.  The team says Chelios was injured while blocking a slap shot during the third period of Tuesday night’s 2-1 preseason loss to Montreal. On Wednesday, he was maneuvering around Joe Louis Arena on crutches.  According to the Detroit News, the shot hit his right leg, below the knee.

Also according to the Detroit News, Chelios hates everything but Matlock.  Ooh!  It’s on now!

Season Preview: Boston Bruins

To me, my Bruins!

To me, my Bruins!

Another excruciatingly long summer is over. Actual hockey games are on the horizon. Because this is the 265th most widely read hockey blog on the internets, MYFO felt a deep obligation to our dozens of readers to prepare this series of previews telling you about every single team in the NHL. By “prepare” we mean, we found other people to write many of them for us. We were looking for people who (unlike us) might have an actual clue about these teams, but were also eager/willing/dumb/not self-respecting enough to work for free. Within those constraints, we think we did an admirable job. Today’s preview of the Boston Bruins is brought to you by Gabe and John of The Jumbotron.

Oh, yeah.  The Jumbotron laughs in the face of Word Counts.

The Blades Protocols: A Systematic, Player-by-Player Guide of How To Defeat The Boston Bruins

Although the Boston Bruins are celebrated as an “Original Six” team, did you know that not many people are aware of the Boston Bruins existence? You, yourself may have thought that the Boston Bruins were simply a rumor, or that if they had existed, that they died out years ago (1971-72 to be exact). However, this couldn’t be further from the truth. The Bruins are indeed alive, and walk among us almost every day. Luckily, your friends at The Jumbotron have secured copies of the long-rumored “Blades Protocols”: A set of doomsday plans compiled by “beloved” Bruins mascot, Blades, scribbled on cocktail napkins and unsold ticket stubs, that detail the best way to defeat the current Bruins roster, including Coach Claude Julien and Blades himself, should they become too large a danger.

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Season Preview: Detroit Red Wings

This preview: fair and balanced like the seesaw

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Season Preview: Florida Panthers

Another excruciatingly long summer is over. Actual hockey games are on the horizon. Because this is the 265th most widely read hockey blog on the internets, MYFO felt a deep obligation to our dozens of readers to prepare this series of previews telling you about every single team in the NHL. By “prepare” we mean, we found other people to write many of them for us. We were looking for people who (unlike us) might have an actual clue about these teams, but were also eager/willing/dumb/not self-respecting enough to work for free. Within those constraints, we think we did an admirable job.

Today’s preview of YOUR Florida Panthers is brought to you by Deadspin legend, ladies man and dashing continental gentleman Jordan Bowes, aka Tattooed Messiah.

Before we get into it, let me indulge my inner Silky Johnston for a second and do some quality hating. Ahem…What can I say about this year’s Florida Panthers roster that hasn’t already been said about Afghanistan? They’re bombed out and depleted!

There are fewer stars on this team than at the Comedy Central roast of Gallagher.

From the casual fan’s point of view, Jacques Martin made more questionable moves this off-season than most guys do at last call on Thirsty Thursdays.

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The 2008 Vincent Damphousse Award Winner: Jeff O’Neill

Every year around this time, you and your buddies gather and your local bar/pub/igloo (Canadians only) to conduct a fantasy draft.  Somewhere around 11 or 12, you’re left with a dilemma.  You could either roll the dice on a better player on a bad team (read: Nathan Horton, FLA), or a proven name who, well, did all of his proving on your Sega Genesis more than a decade ago.  This isn’t like fantasy baseball, where you may get lucky and get 180 innings out of an aging Mike Mussina or Randy Johnson.  This is hockey, damn it.  If you’re an old forward, you might as well buy a nice suit and start angling for plush assistant coaching positions with your current club.

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