Season Preview: Colorado Avalanche

Another excruciatingly long summer is over. Actual hockey games are on the horizon. Because this is the 265th most widely read hockey blog on the internets, MYFO felt a deep obligation to our dozens of readers to prepare this series of previews telling you about every single team in the NHL. By “prepare” we mean, we found other people to write many of them for us. We were looking for people who (unlike us) might have an actual clue about these teams, but were also eager/willing enough to work for free. Within those constraints, we think we did an admirable job. 

Today, with your preview of the Colorado Avalanche, the Talented Mr. Jibblescribbits, a/k/a Deadspin commenter HockeyMountain.

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Reason No. 256 Why Mats Sundin Can’t Hold Joe Sakic’s Jock

Sure, they played together a couple of seasons as part of the absurdly-talented-yet-comically-unsuccessful Quebec Nordiques (still my favorite NHL ’94 team, despite the frequent goaltending mishaps of Stephane Fiset). And both are members of the fairly exclusive 500-goal club. But since Sundin was traded to Toronto following the 1994 season, they couldn’t be more different.

Forget the rings. Forget the Conn Smythe trophy. Joe Sakic knows how to make up his fucking mind already. Continue reading

Denver Fences Are Plush and Comfortable

My name is Joe Sakic.  I’m about to take a deep breath.

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Where the Party At? Western Conference Edition

The NHL Draft isn’t like the ones held by the NBA or the NFL.  Work up whatever fervor you like; 98.9 percent of the the teens and foreigners awkwardly pronounced behind a podium won’t be making an impact on your favorite team this season.  But hey, some people like to celebrate this sort of stuff, and many NHL teams want to help.  So join MYFO in our rundown of all the league’s DRAFT PARTIES.  Just don’t blame us when the prick in the back makes the jukebox blare Journey right when your team is about to pick.

Today, the Western Conference.

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Commissioner to the Rescue

TORONTO (MYFO) – As the international community continues to reel from a series of devastating natural disasters, the National Hockey League and its commissioner, Gary Bettman, held a press conference this morning to unveil their plans to assist in the recovery effort.

“Our market research shows that the people of the world are not currently fond of environmental catastrophes.  And since we hope to grow the NHL to a global brand of sport, I’m personally showing our support to the victims by demoting the Carolina Hurricanes, the Colorado Avalanche, and the Tampa Bay Lightning to the American Hockey League (AHL),” Bettman revealed Tuesday.

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Coach Q Leaving Colorado; Will Continue Hobby of Messing with Starship Captains

Coaching hockey’s no fun when you can’t use your godlike Continuum powers to expand the other team’s goal to four times its normal size, or turn Chris Chelios into a superannuated skating cadaver. So long Colorado; hello Greater Magellanic Cloud. I hear there’s an upstart team of android zemtok ball players looking for some direction. Hope they like playing boring D and early playoff exits.

See You On The Fairway: Colorado Avalanche

Not every team in the playoffs gets to hoist the Stanley Cup. Try as they may, 29 teams will end their hockey-related obligations without lifting the Holy Grail of Hockey. We here at MYFO encourage you to erase their substandard play from your collective memory, and join us in wishing them good luck on the golf course.

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