Season Previews: Washington Capitals

Ovie....Time?

Ovie....Time?

Another excruciatingly long summer is over. Actual hockey games are on the horizon. Because this is the 265th most widely read hockey blog on the internets, MYFO felt a deep obligation to our dozens of readers to prepare this series of previews telling you about every single team in the NHL. By “prepare” we mean, we found other people to write many of them for us. We were looking for people who (unlike us) might have an actual clue about these teams, but were also eager/willing/dumb/not self-respecting enough to work for free. Within those constraints, we think we did an admirable job.

Today’s preview of YOUR Washington Capitals is brought to you by frequent MYFO commenter and liveblog fan favorite Caps Red Army.

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Uncle Ted Goes Hunting: Canadian Safari

Uncle Ted: My first (sort of) big-game hunt! How thrilling! After my first, successful foray into shooting down sports media people who shortchange me or my club, it’s time for something a little bigger, wouldn’t you say?

Boyd Gordon: Whatever you say, boss. But could you quit swinging that thing around? You’re making me a little nervous. Continue reading

Cashblowing: Send ‘Em to Nicaragua Edition

Face it, people – the summer months are difficult ones in which to be a sarcaustic hockey blog.  Good leads on stories are as infrequent as Derian Hatcher lighting the lamp/turning down an eclair.  In what may become a recurring feature out of necessity, Hextall454 takes a look at the finest product offerings the NHL Shop has to offer…and then promptly demands his money back.

Can’t say there’s a whole lot happening right now that makes me want to rush out to the NHL Shop and start burning through my hard-earned currency.  It’s not that I don’t see that you’ve signed Dan Fritsche to an entry-level deal, Colorado; he’s just not exactly at the top of my must-buy Avs jersey list.

Ok, you got me.  No such list exists.

And I don’t care what they’re saying about gas prices going back down, I’ve got to keep my wallet in check.  And besides, our guest room has been swallowed up by this monstrosity, so where would I put fresh NHL.com gear?  Hell, Madden came out today.  I’m broke.

But in case YOU, the loyal MYFO reader, would like to contribute towards Gary Bettman’s annual bonus, here are some curiously-low cost items, courtesy of your friends at Inventory Clearance Central. Continue reading

I’Z LATE FOR AN IMPORTANT DATE

BZZZZZZZZZZ!!! BZZZZZZZZZZ!!! BZZZZZZZZZZ!!! BZZZZZZZZZZ!!!

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All It Takes Is One Good Month

Why Is This Man Smiling?

Why Is This Man Smiling?

This post is for those of us who are eyeing the all-too-rapid approach of the wrong side of 35 with more than a little trepidation. Still haven’t gotten that big payday? That 401(k) looking a little skimpy? If only there were some way to line one’s pockets with gold before heading off into retirement…

Never fear. Just find a way to work for the Washington Capitals. Put in one solid month, a month that will have people saying: “That guy is working like he’s 25! What an engine of productivity!” At least, that’s the lesson I draw from the fact that 39-year-old Sergei Fedorov has agreed to a one-year deal to return to the Capitals. For $4 MILLION. Continue reading

NHL Mascots: Exposed (Volume III)

After a lengthy hiatus, MYFO is pleased to finally present the third installment of our “NHL Mascots: Exposed” series, where we take a closer look at those perky purveyors of performance art and attempt to ascertain what makes them tick. But be forewarned: the life of a mascot is not always a pretty one. The road to the top, as these fine examples of arena entertainment surely have trekked, is fraught with detours, some more shameful than others. Enjoy.

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Jose Theodore is Washington’s #1 Goalie

Ovie, you’ll have to break Gretzky’s scoring record if you want to make the playoffs.