Every year around this time, you and your buddies gather and your local bar/pub/igloo (Canadians only) to conduct a fantasy draft. Somewhere around 11 or 12, you’re left with a dilemma. You could either roll the dice on a better player on a bad team (read: Nathan Horton, FLA), or a proven name who, well, did all of his proving on your Sega Genesis more than a decade ago. This isn’t like fantasy baseball, where you may get lucky and get 180 innings out of an aging Mike Mussina or Randy Johnson. This is hockey, damn it. If you’re an old forward, you might as well buy a nice suit and start angling for plush assistant coaching positions with your current club.
Another excruciatingly long summer is (almost) over. Actual hockey games are on the horizon. Because this is the 265th most widely read hockey blog on the internets, MYFO felt a deep obligation to our dozens of readers to prepare this series of previews telling you about every single team in the NHL. By “prepare” we mean, we found other people to write many of them for us. We were looking for people who (unlike us) might have an actual clue about these teams, but were also eager/willing enough to work for free. Within those constraints, we think we did an admirable job.
Previewing YOUR Carolina Hurricanes, we present “Dave Schultz” from I Mean, We Got Guys…
For those of you who have unhealthy obsession with NHL.com, you may have stumbled across the fact that the league lists 11 players’ official webpages. (We alluded to this last August.) Nothing on these webpages are what you would call ground-breaking: (Rick Nash offers awesome downloads!) And it appears that a certain savior of all hockeykind has some coding to do. Slacker. But the one webpage that seems to be firing on all cylinders is that of Carolina Hurricanes wing Justin Williams.
Williams has enjoyed a nice career so far, and is likely spending his off-season figuring out how to take Erik Cole’s spot on Staal’s line after being injured for much of 08, so we can’t expect him to respond to the tens of well, tens of guest book entries the JW faithful have left him this year.
After the jump, we take care of a little correspondence on Justin’s behalf as Justin.
The NHL Draft isn’t like the ones held by the NBA or the NFL. Work up whatever fervor you like; 98.9 percent of the the teens and foreigners awkwardly pronounced behind a podium won’t be making an impact on your favorite team this season. But hey, some people like to celebrate this sort of stuff, and many NHL teams want to help. So join MYFO in our rundown of all the league’s DRAFT PARTIES. Just don’t blame us when the prick in the back makes the jukebox blare Journey right when your team is about to pick.
Today, the Eastern Conference.
TORONTO (MYFO) – As the international community continues to reel from a series of devastating natural disasters, the National Hockey League and its commissioner, Gary Bettman, held a press conference this morning to unveil their plans to assist in the recovery effort.
“Our market research shows that the people of the world are not currently fond of environmental catastrophes. And since we hope to grow the NHL to a global brand of sport, I’m personally showing our support to the victims by demoting the Carolina Hurricanes, the Colorado Avalanche, and the Tampa Bay Lightning to the American Hockey League (AHL),” Bettman revealed Tuesday.
Contrary to popular belief, not everybody in the NHL makes the playoffs. Try as they may, 14 teams ended their hockey-related obligations this weekend after a long, hard year of sucktitude. We here at MYFO encourage you to erase their substandard play from your collective memory, and join us in wishing them good luck on the golf course starting today.
Next up, Reasonable Doubt for a Reasonable Price with the Southeast tee times.
Being a hockey fan in Carolina can be a somewhat depressing pursuit, one imagines. Just a couple years removed from winning a Stanley Cup, yet none of the big network games in the U.S. feature the Canes. Hockey “experts” rag on the Southeast Division at every opportunity. While the NHL makes sure that Crosby, Ovechkin, Malkin, Sundin, Iginla and Zetterberg get plenty of press, no love gets thrown to Cole and Staal.
You might start to think that the NHL really doesn’t like hockey in Carolina, that they’re just happy to keep collecting money from those NASCAR-lovin’ rubes. You might start to think that the NHL’s disciplinary system is biased against you. Continue reading