Commissioner to the Rescue

TORONTO (MYFO) – As the international community continues to reel from a series of devastating natural disasters, the National Hockey League and its commissioner, Gary Bettman, held a press conference this morning to unveil their plans to assist in the recovery effort.

“Our market research shows that the people of the world are not currently fond of environmental catastrophes.  And since we hope to grow the NHL to a global brand of sport, I’m personally showing our support to the victims by demoting the Carolina Hurricanes, the Colorado Avalanche, and the Tampa Bay Lightning to the American Hockey League (AHL),” Bettman revealed Tuesday.

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The NHL Draft Lottery Happened (And this guy is a douche)

Since How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory got bumped for the NCAA Tournament Final, I decided to sit down and watch the NHL Draft Lottery. All for you schmuck-os. After the jump, my running diary of the Lottery as it happens.

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See You on the Fairway: Southeast Edition

Contrary to popular belief, not everybody in the NHL makes the playoffs. Try as they may, 14 teams ended their hockey-related obligations this weekend after a long, hard year of sucktitude. We here at MYFO encourage you to erase their substandard play from your collective memory, and join us in wishing them good luck on the golf course starting today.

Next up, Reasonable Doubt for a Reasonable Price with the Southeast tee times.

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ESPN Loves Hockey, Part #389,577,281

Don Boyle

In ESPN’s NHL Power Rankings this week, the Worldwide Leader ponders the trade deadline future of Lightning defenseman Don Boyle, who, while perhaps not as valuable as Lightning defenseman Dan Boyle, still looks like he can be an asset to Cup contenders looking to add another guitar to their lineup or get help designing a Geocities site.

Yes, I know that this is most likely just a typo, but 1) How often do you see names of NBA or NFL players misspelled on ESPN, ever, even by one letter? and 2) I caught this at 6:30 pm Wednesday and as of 2:15 am Thursday, it hadn’t been corrected. If an MLB article referred to D’Backs pitcher “Don Haren,” there’d be 10,000 comments about it on the site within minutes and whoever posted it would be fired and/or transferred to NHL Columnist duties.

Regardless, I refuse to believe that ESPN just doesn’t care about the NHL.

Random Internet Blog Trade Rumors: Feeling Stabby

This edition of Random Internet Blog Trade Rumors is brought to you by our friend Stabby up there. Isn’t he cute?

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The Penguins and Senators are Getting Totally Screwed By Having to Play Overseas Next Season; The Rangers and Lightning? Not So Much

Stag in Prague

In his sublimely entertaining appearance in the broadcast booth during Sunday night’s All-Star Game, Gary Bettman formally announced to the world (or those of us who have Versus and were actually watching the game – alright – a couple hundred of us) that four NHL teams will be playing games in Europe next season. According to the Bettster, the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Ottawa Senators will play in Stockholm, Sweden, while the New York Rangers and Tampa Bay Lightning will play in the Czech Republic city of Prague.

Oh sure, we could get bogged down in the news that the NHLPA ain’t too happy with Bettman’s announcement, as they haven’t formally agreed to participate in yet another one of Bettman’s wacky schemes, but where is the fun in that? All that it really boils down to is this: the Penguins and the Senators got jacked by having to play in Stockholm while the Rangers and Lightning should be thrilled at the location where they get to play. Why, you ask? It’s simple, really: porn and hardcore sex, and lots of it. Continue reading

Welcome Back! (Tampa Bay Edition)

Welcome to the newest feature on MYFO: Welcome Back! We know there’s a lot of fans of football teams that have nothing to pay attention to anymore. Knowing that, they’re turning to other sports. We’re happy to help. Every time a football team’s season ends, we’ll welcome those fans back to the fold by giving them an update as to what that city’s team has been up to this year.

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