Season Preview: Edmonton Oilers

Another excruciatingly long summer is (almost) over. Actual hockey games are on the horizon. Because this is the 265th most widely read hockey blog on the internets, MYFO felt a deep obligation to our dozens of readers to prepare this series of previews telling you about every single team in the NHL. By “prepare” we mean, we found other people to write many of them for us. We were looking for people who (unlike us) might have an actual clue about these teams, but were also eager/willing enough to work for free. Within those constraints, we think we did an admirable job.

Now, with your preview of the Edmonton Oilers, Moose from He Score, He Shoot!

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The Chuckle Hut Presents the Comedy Stylings of Kevin “Laughmaster” Lowe!

Hey, everybody! Thanks for having me out to the Chuckle Hut! I’m a little new at the comedy game. I spend most of my time being a champion and pissing excellence. But with my track record, I’m sure I’ll be a winner at this, too.

Check out this crowd. What a bunch of inbreeds. Can you people count to six? I can, with just one hand. No, I’m not a mutant, like certain California-dwelling morons. No, I just had my last Stanley Cup ring sized EXTRA FREAKING LARGE and outfitted with a clit-flicker. It’s like my old buddy Mac-T always says–women are like carpet; lay ’em right the first time, and you can walk all over them for years. Am I right, or am I right? Continue reading

Where the Party At? Western Conference Edition

The NHL Draft isn’t like the ones held by the NBA or the NFL.  Work up whatever fervor you like; 98.9 percent of the the teens and foreigners awkwardly pronounced behind a podium won’t be making an impact on your favorite team this season.  But hey, some people like to celebrate this sort of stuff, and many NHL teams want to help.  So join MYFO in our rundown of all the league’s DRAFT PARTIES.  Just don’t blame us when the prick in the back makes the jukebox blare Journey right when your team is about to pick.

Today, the Western Conference.

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Vote Eventually, Vote Occasionally

As a delightful distraction to actual NHL hockey being played, the league office has used the last few weeks to sporadically announce the finalists for each of the many shiny and pointy awards they hand out after each NHL season.  And for every honor of an MVP, a Best Positional Player, or stellar rookie, there’s an ambiguously-awarded piece of hardware just waiting to collapse someone’s mantle.  Today, in a feature that shalt be recurring only if we’re out of column ideas, we present to you the nominees for the Masterton Trophy.

Who wants a giant gold cone of frozen custard?  I sure as hell do.

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See You on the Fairway: Northwest Edition

Contrary to popular belief, not everybody in the NHL makes the playoffs.  Try as they may, 14 teams ended their hockey-related obligations this weekend after a long, hard year of sucktitude.  We here at MYFO encourage you to erase their substandard play from your collective memory, and join us in wishing them good luck on the golf course starting today.

Next up, Weed Against Speed with the Northwest tee times.

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NHL Shop Subscribes to Bad MS Paint Weekly

Oilerscup 

I swear, I didn’t make this.

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Sheldon Souray Makes a Fine Pie

souraypizzeria.jpgThe Interwebs are possibly mankind’s second-greatest invention (the greatest, obviously, is that shave gel that protects from nicks and cuts). It is a gift that keeps on giving. Without the Interwebs, I probably would never have known that Oilers D-man Sheldon Souray is part-owner of a Montreal pizzeria with Martin Brodeur (pictured, right).

“Well, so what,” you ask. Big fucking deal. “He may be the owner of a successful pizzeria, but how would he fare cooking one?” That’s the exact same question the somber Canadian voiceover guy asked in this unintentionally hilarious video. (Apologies for the lack of imbed, but NHL.tv makes that tougher than my meager tech skills can handle) SPOILER ALERT: Souray does not actually cook the pizzeria. Damn misleading Canadians. But if you want to know how a big-time Montreal restaurateur makes his own personal pie, here are the highlights: Continue reading