Bert Hall is a douche

While Avery – the league’s biggest agitator – has no reservations when it comes to getting under an opponent’s skin, his former roommate-turned boss has established a limit.

“Just one,” Hull explained to TSN. “(I said) as long as you don’t embarrass the organization, you can do, say or act any way you want.”

And does that include line-crossing trash talk?

“That’s just part of gamesmanship and his personality,” Hull explained. “You’d be surprised how many guys do things like that out there. Someone’s got to be the best and someone’s got to be the worst at everything.”

And what about getting a stick up in a goaltender’s face like he did last spring against Martin Brodeur? “(That’s not acceptable) to me because that’s not the way you play hockey,” Hull told Off the Record. “Why would you want to do that? Why don’t you want to get open and get a shot away? But that was before he was with me.”

Well, la-di-fucking-da, cock knocker. You must know all about winning….when your foot is in the crease!

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Season Preview: Dallas Stars

I think she's legal in this photo

I think she's legal in this photo

Another excruciatingly long summer is (almost) over. Actual hockey games are on the horizon. Because this is the 265th most widely read hockey blog on the internets, MYFO felt a deep obligation to our dozens of readers to prepare this series of previews telling you about every single team in the NHL. By “prepare” we mean, we found other people to write many of them for us. We were looking for people who (unlike us) might have an actual clue about these teams, but were also eager/willing enough to work for free. Within those constraints, we think we did an admirable job.

Today’s preview of the Dallas Stars is brought to you by frequent MYFO commenter MNHLE. We would link to MNHLE’s other work, but we promised him (or her) that s/he could remain anonymous. Don’t worry, “Pat,” your secret is safe with us.

It’s time to take a closer look into one of the NHL’s most popular markets. That habitual hotbed of hockey, the first team below the Mason Dixon line to take home a Stanley Cup. Home to big hair, toddler beauty pageants, steers, queers, high school football, and Dawson’s famous “I don’t want your life.” The jewel of the Lone Star state, Dallas Texas. Continue reading

Mike and Willa Meet a New Teammate

Willa: Oh, Mike. What a romantic evening. I never noticed the subtle nuances of Brendan Fraser’s dunderheadedness!

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Everything IS bigger in Texas

Hey Pac-Man…go fuck yourself. Debbie will be doing ME tonight.

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Where the Party At? Western Conference Edition

The NHL Draft isn’t like the ones held by the NBA or the NFL.  Work up whatever fervor you like; 98.9 percent of the the teens and foreigners awkwardly pronounced behind a podium won’t be making an impact on your favorite team this season.  But hey, some people like to celebrate this sort of stuff, and many NHL teams want to help.  So join MYFO in our rundown of all the league’s DRAFT PARTIES.  Just don’t blame us when the prick in the back makes the jukebox blare Journey right when your team is about to pick.

Today, the Western Conference.

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See You on the Fairway: Dallas Stars

Not every team in the playoffs gets to hoist the Stanley Cup. Try as they may, 29 teams will end their hockey-related obligations without lifting the Holy Grail of Hockey. We here at MYFO encourage you to erase their substandard play from your collective memory, and join us in wishing them good luck on the golf course.

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Pineriders: Random Guy Wanders onto Ice, Sparks Stars’ Win

That\'s him.  I swear.

For a coach, playoff hockey is one big chess match.  You know the ins and outs of your opponent, as you will be playing the same damn team for 4-7 games in succession.  It does not take long to find out when things aren’t working.  The current standard is about three games.  Before you know it, you’re down 3-0 and praying for the support of some remnants of an octagenarian group of Maple Leafs for divine inspiration.

It appears that they’ve answered Dave Tippett’s call.

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