[Avery, fist raised, locks eyes with our Lord and Savior, Sidney Crosby, and has a change of heart.]
I…I’m sorry, Sidney. I don’t know what came over me. Please. Let me help you up.
[Avery helps Crosby to his feet, and immediately falls to his knees]
Forgive me, Jesus. I have sinned. I have overused cliche insults and what started off as a rant has escalated into rampant inside jokes that have exhausted the newness and awesomeness of how much of a jackass I can be. I have committed the cardinal sin of douchebaggery, and I’m in serious danger of driving the joke into the ground.
“Arise, my son. Go forth and be the douchebag the fans want you to be. All is forgiven. You are an asshole. It’s what you do.”
……YEAAAAAAAH, FUCKSTICK GOBBLERS!