Beukeboom Goes the Dynamite

Lace ‘em up, Cake Eater. Let’s go.

My name’s Hextall454, and shockingly, I’m not a lawyer. I grew up in the Philly area, a few years after the Flyers’ last Cup win in ’76. I learned how to play hockey on rollerblades in abandoned parking lots, and watching the Lindros era on Philly 57. In fact, I may have been included in the trade to Quebec for Big E’s rights. Lord knows everybody else was.

Now I live away from the City of Brotherly Love in the Virginian suburbs of Washington DC. I attend Caps games at the MCI Center when the Orange and Black are in town, or whenever I feel like watching Alex Ovechkin school someone just for the hell of it. I’m a financial analyst by trade, which is a fancy way of saying I can calculate plus/minus better than you. I’m a savvy veteran in the blog world, bringing the funny over at You’re a Blog for three years now. (Savvy, as what I’ve been told, is agent-speak for “no longer very good.” Tony Amonte, we’re looking in your direction.)

To my MYFO linemates, I promise not to become our Footsteps Falco.

There’s nothing like the phrase “worst season in franchise history” to make one excited for the upcoming campaign. Coach Reilly make have taught us it’s not worth winning if you can’t win big. As for this year, we’ll take any W we can get.


Singing the Blues

Hello from the Gateway to the West, soon to be the Gateway to the Best . . . Darn Little Eighth Seed that Dave Checketts’ money could buy. Me, well, I used to be a journalist, but I got too much respect from people I would meet at cocktail parties. So I went to law school, and now I am no longer invited to cocktail parties.

It was a tough choice on the legal sleaze-o-meter, but I ultimately decided not to do criminal defense (no offense, Reasonable) and instead concentrate on representing labor unions and their members. Some might suggest that there is a lot of room for overlap there. But certainly not among any of the fine, law-abiding clients my firm represents.

My team, naturally, is the St. Louis Blues, best known for the Players That Left, the two greatest players in franchise history. Brett Hull and Chris Pronger left town, with their tickets kindly purchased by ownership, and happily won Stanley Cups elsewhere. Otherwise successful, multiple Cup-winning players (Gretzky, Glenn Anderson, Grant Fuhr, Mike Keane, etc.) came to town, mostly to watch their careers die. Doug Weight has the remarkable distinction of wearing both hats, having snuck off for a few months to Carolina two seasons ago, only to come back to ride out the string in St. Louis.

But I’m all about Hope, as you’ll see in my soon-to-come season preview, and in the shameless shilling I will do over the course of the season. (Just wait till those draft picks develop! Keith Tkachuk still has something left! Martin Rucinsky is due for a hot streak! Those seats at the Scottrade Center are NOT empty, they’re just waiting to be full!)

I know no HTML tricks, so there will be no video, unless I get around to learning it. I INSIST upon proper capitalization and spelling, and demand that you call attention to any typographical errors.

It's Wild, Man…Wild!

Greetings and salutations to one and all. You can call me Weed Against Speed and my plan is to be your source for all things Minnesota Wild. I am not well-versed (?) in this blogging gig, but I hope to contribute good information, nonsensical references and dick jokes. Any comments or suggestions are welcomed and encouraged – unless they are critical. I do not do well with criticism. But anyhoo, I thought since my team will be the Minnesota Wild and to maintain the theme, I kindly submit a fight from our favorite bruiser in the Land of 10,000 Lakes: Derek Boogaard facing off against Todd Fedoruk of the Anaheim Ducks. Bastards. It’s short and sweet. Enjoy!

First thing we do, is kill all the lawyers

I suppose first thing that should be done is a bit of an introduction. I’m Reasonable Doubt for a Reasonable Price. I do criminal defense and business transactional work in the Tampa area, and I’ve been a Lightning fan since their inception. I’ve suffered through games being called because the A/C in the old Expo Hall broke down and the ice melted. I’ve been stuck in the Thunderdome (now Tropicana Field) where you couldn’t see the puck unless you had some binoculars. But, I’ve also had the pleasure of seeing the Stanley Cup get handed out 100 feet away from me, and stumbling back to my office up the road at 3 AM.

I’m not a professional writer, nor do I have any web design skills, but if there’s one thing I can get geared up enough to write about on a blog, it’s the Bolts. So throughout the season, I’ll be checking in with news, rumors, and commentary from the Bay area, and I’ll pick up the slack for the rest of the Southeastern Division as well.

In the meantime, a video is below for you to watch. I defy you not to hum this song for the next hour after watching.

Getting Started

Might as well give this a little kick start while people are still interested. Pretty simple, signup at the WordPress home page, after you do that, email me and I will add you on as a contributor and we can go from there. Posting on wordpress is really easy – no HTML or any other skills required. If you can use Microsoft Word, you can figure this thing out pretty quick. Any questions, shoot me an email (

Also if anybody has any photoshop skills or an idea for a top banner, get on that.

[Update: Our boy I Party with Smoot made us a kick ass banner. If you want to try and top it, go for it, but good luck.]

While we are waiting, a little Red Wing beatdown for all you Blackhawk fans.