MYFO Open Letter Series: The One Where Weed Against Speed Goes America All Over the Wild’s Ass

As you may or may not have heard, the Wild and dickmuncher agent Ron Salcer are currently locked in a battle over the Wild’s attempts to sign Marian Gaborik to a long-term contract. Gabby will be an unrestricted free agent after this season so it is imperative that the Wild either sign him before the start of the season or be forced to deal with the day-to-day distractions that the “will they or won’t they trade him” situations always undoubtedly cause (I’m looking at you, Mats Sundin, you assclown).

Alternatively, the Wild could ship Gaborik’s goldbricking ass to some other team before the start of the season. I’m not saying it’s the best option, but it may come to that.

What it all boils down to is this: GET THE FUCKING THING DONE ALREADY!

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Jacques Lemaire Coaches 1,000th Game; Neutral Zone Trap Still Kind Of Sucks

Jacques Lemaire

Last night at the Xcel Energy Center in Saint Paul, hockey great Jacques Lemaire coached his 1,000th NHL game. It is certainly not an overstatement to say that Lemaire has had a successful coaching career (Stanley Cup with the Devils in ’95, Jack Adams Award winner in ’94 and ’03) which was built upon his astonishing career with the Montreal Canadiens (8 Stanley Cups as a player and 2 Cups as a member of the Habs front office). Lemaire is known as one of the best two-way players ever in the NHL and also possessed a lethal slapshot. Lemaire is also the only player in NHL history to have two Stanley Cup winning goals. Impressive, indeed.

Now that we have sufficiently polished Jacques’ knob, let us take a look at what has changed in the world since 1983, when Lemaire took his spot behind the bench of the Montreal Canadiens and began his NHL coaching career. Into the time machine, everyone. Continue reading

Why My Team Is Better Than Your Team: Minnesota Wild

Wild logoWhile sitting in the Xcel Energy Center watching my Minnesota Wild get completely manhandled and outplayed in Game 3 of the first round of the Stanley Cup playoffs last April, I found myself somewhat concerned about the fate of my club. Were the Wild going in the wrong direction? Did Jacques Lemaire not “have it” anymore? I grew increasingly worried and impatient as the Wild showed nothing but ineptitude against a stronger and more talented Ducks team.

Thankfully, at the X, at least in the Club Level, they serve actual “doubles” and as I drowned myself in Citron, the prevailing feeling I was experiencing was dread. Fortunately, it wasn’t as bad as I originally believed on that warm spring day. The Ducks ended up physically dismantling every team they faced on their way to their “storied” franchise’s first Stanley Cup. So, as it is for every team in the offseason, hope springs eternal. So lace up your skates (if you have them) and join me as I attempt to prove why the Minnesota Wild are better than your team.

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