MYFO Open Letter Series: The One Where Weed Against Speed Goes America All Over the Wild’s Ass

As you may or may not have heard, the Wild and dickmuncher agent Ron Salcer are currently locked in a battle over the Wild’s attempts to sign Marian Gaborik to a long-term contract. Gabby will be an unrestricted free agent after this season so it is imperative that the Wild either sign him before the start of the season or be forced to deal with the day-to-day distractions that the “will they or won’t they trade him” situations always undoubtedly cause (I’m looking at you, Mats Sundin, you assclown).

Alternatively, the Wild could ship Gaborik’s goldbricking ass to some other team before the start of the season. I’m not saying it’s the best option, but it may come to that.

What it all boils down to is this: GET THE FUCKING THING DONE ALREADY!

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Gaborik & Demitra Would Make a Far Better Crime Duo Than O’Byrne & Kostopoulos

GaborikDemitra

After learning of the botched purse-snatching escapades of Ryan O’Byrne and Tom Kostopoulos (and reading Raskolnikov’s interpretation of said events on MYFO earlier today), it caused me to wonder where things went wrong for these two obviously inept and misguided would-be criminals. And in a flash it came to me: no chemistry! Just like in hockey, if you don’t have chemistry there is a much higher likelihood that things could go awry. Case in point: O’Byrne was just recalled from Hamilton on February 10th and Kostopoulos is in his first year with the Habs after signing a free agent contract last summer.

Obviously, these two fellas have had no time to figure out each other’s tendencies, where the other is going to be at exact moments and what the other is going to do given certain situations. For instance, Kostopoulos should have been running interference with the police officers while O’Byrne was rifling through the woman’s purse and O’Byrne made the rookie mistake of not fleeing the scene. Amateurs.

All this made me realize that the Minnesota Wild have the duo with possibly the most upside when it comes to perpetrating the perfect purse-snatching crime spree, if there is such a thing: Marian Gaborik and Pavol Demitra.

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Dominik Hasek Will Flip You. He’ll Flip Ya For Real

Fred Fenster

During the Detroit Red Wings total dismantling of the Minnesota Wild Friday night by an ass-whooping score of 5-0, Dominik Hasek came way out of his crease late in the third period on a breakaway by Marian Gaborik and completely upended the Slovak by sliding sideways into him and taking out his legs. Was it a dirty play in a game the Red Wings had completely in hand? Possibly. Hasek was called for a tripping minor but some would argue that The Dominator should have been assessed a match penalty for intent to injure on the play. Decide for yourself, after the jump: Continue reading

Why My Team Is Better Than Your Team: Minnesota Wild

Wild logoWhile sitting in the Xcel Energy Center watching my Minnesota Wild get completely manhandled and outplayed in Game 3 of the first round of the Stanley Cup playoffs last April, I found myself somewhat concerned about the fate of my club. Were the Wild going in the wrong direction? Did Jacques Lemaire not “have it” anymore? I grew increasingly worried and impatient as the Wild showed nothing but ineptitude against a stronger and more talented Ducks team.

Thankfully, at the X, at least in the Club Level, they serve actual “doubles” and as I drowned myself in Citron, the prevailing feeling I was experiencing was dread. Fortunately, it wasn’t as bad as I originally believed on that warm spring day. The Ducks ended up physically dismantling every team they faced on their way to their “storied” franchise’s first Stanley Cup. So, as it is for every team in the offseason, hope springs eternal. So lace up your skates (if you have them) and join me as I attempt to prove why the Minnesota Wild are better than your team.

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