Season Preview: Nashville Predators

What in the wide wide world of sports is-a-goin’ on here? I hired you people to win the Stanley Cup, not to jump around like a bunch of Kansas City Avery’s!

Cashblowing: Send ‘Em to Nicaragua Edition

Face it, people – the summer months are difficult ones in which to be a sarcaustic hockey blog.  Good leads on stories are as infrequent as Derian Hatcher lighting the lamp/turning down an eclair.  In what may become a recurring feature out of necessity, Hextall454 takes a look at the finest product offerings the NHL Shop has to offer…and then promptly demands his money back.

Can’t say there’s a whole lot happening right now that makes me want to rush out to the NHL Shop and start burning through my hard-earned currency.  It’s not that I don’t see that you’ve signed Dan Fritsche to an entry-level deal, Colorado; he’s just not exactly at the top of my must-buy Avs jersey list.

Ok, you got me.  No such list exists.

And I don’t care what they’re saying about gas prices going back down, I’ve got to keep my wallet in check.  And besides, our guest room has been swallowed up by this monstrosity, so where would I put fresh NHL.com gear?  Hell, Madden came out today.  I’m broke.

But in case YOU, the loyal MYFO reader, would like to contribute towards Gary Bettman’s annual bonus, here are some curiously-low cost items, courtesy of your friends at Inventory Clearance Central.

Discussion Materials Regarding Sexual Favors of Melt Your Face Off

These discussion materials are posted for hot bitches to use in considering various erotic endeavors to perform on the editors of Melt Your Face Off (“MYFO”). In all cases, interested women should not conduct their own investigation, as everything this paper presents is truer than the pope defecating on an altar boy who is peeing on the Koran.

NHL Mascots: Exposed (Volume III)

After a lengthy hiatus, MYFO is pleased to finally present the third installment of our “NHL Mascots: Exposed” series, where we take a closer look at those perky purveyors of performance art and attempt to ascertain what makes them tick. But be forewarned: the life of a mascot is not always a pretty one. The road to the top, as these fine examples of arena entertainment surely have trekked, is fraught with detours, some more shameful than others. Enjoy.

MYFO Editorial: Open Letter to Gary Bettman

We here at MYFO try rarely to be serious about things. We bring the funny. But there are times, such as now, where we stare at a piece of news and can find no humorous slant to take on it, because it’s just infuriating. This summer, we will be introducing a series of Open Letters to personalities around the NHL. As always, much love and respect to the artist formerly known as I Party With Smoot for the artwork. Today, we introduce the first in that series, an Open Letter to Gary Bettman.

Where the Party At? Western Conference Edition

The NHL Draft isn’t like the ones held by the NBA or the NFL.  Work up whatever fervor you like; 98.9 percent of the the teens and foreigners awkwardly pronounced behind a podium won’t be making an impact on your favorite team this season.  But hey, some people like to celebrate this sort of stuff, and many NHL teams want to help.  So join MYFO in our rundown of all the league’s DRAFT PARTIES.  Just don’t blame us when the prick in the back makes the jukebox blare Journey right when your team is about to pick.

Today, the Western Conference.

We Were There: Ryan Suter Shot Me

As a Chicago Blackhawk fan, it is very easy for me to hate certain players. Jordin Tootoo wears a visor when he fights, Tomas Holmstrom is a slow turd, and Chris Chelios is a turncoat. However, there is one player who has earned my wrath not because he plays for a Central Division rival, but because he greatly shamed me. That player is Ryan Suter.